Saturday, January 31, 2009

Random Picture Challenge!

Joining in with the Random Picture Challenge started over at 4 little men and girly twins! This is picture 44 from my November 2007 folder! I know it says November 2nd on it but for some reason I hadn't downloaded my October ones and they went in my November folder!
Chris was out town on a long business trip and the kids were missing him a ton so we took a bunch of pictures before school and sent them to him!

Friday, January 30, 2009

The ruthless cycle of life.

I don't want to write this post. I have procrastinated writing it for a few days but it is all I can think about so therefore I must get it out. My dear dear friend that I have known for over 20 years is sitting at the hospital watching her dad deteriorate ...his organs are shutting down and he is probably not going to make it through the weekend. I hate that this is happening. He is a great person who spent his life making other people happy. Watching her go through this is painful not only because losing him is a loss for the world but because it makes it so real that in the near years to come all my friends will have to deal with this in their own lives. That I will have to see it happen to my parents. The circle of life is unstoppable and doesn't discriminate. As we ourselves grow older and see gray hair and wrinkles pop up our parents also age and we take over that roll of caregiver. As our children grow and change into adults themselves we too will move on to a new stage. All this is terrifying to think about but necessary since it is inevitable.
I hope for comfort for my friend and her family in this situation. It is hard to remember that through the pain the happy memories will eventually break through and instead of making us cry they will make us smile.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

CEL-E-BRATE good times COME ON!

This is a little tribute to my sister, Abby, on her 33rd Birthday! She is trapped inside during a snowstorm with two little boys so I thought I would give her a laugh! Plus people keep bugging her to do the 25 things about me on I figure I will just link it here so she doesn't have too!

33 Things about Abby :)

1) Abby is the funniest person she knows (and I know except myself of course:)
2) Abby is a great listener. She always knows what I am saying and gives great advice.
3) Abby loves her boys and would do anything for them.
4) When Abby was little she fell off the front steps with a curtain rod in her mouth and had to go to the ER and have surgery. When her 5 year old accidentally hit my 4 year old in the head with a shovel (don't ask) over the summer I think we both had flashbacks to that day.
5) In her next life she is going to be a private investigator.
6) Wine is her favorite food group.
7) She doesn't like doughnuts or really any breakfast foods.
8) Just the other day our parents were arguing about whether Abby was turning 32 or 34 this year. Imagine that they were both wrong. At least they knew which day her birthday was on.
9) She likes girly things especially makeup. Thank God for Sephora!
10) She spent time as an exchange student in Germany.
11) We used to be mortal enemies as kids but now we talk 3 or more times a day and see each other multiple times a week.
12) She stole the name Owen from me ....well it was my BOY name and I never had one so I guess she didn't' technically steal it.
13) She dated her now husband Jeremy for months before she introduced him to her family.
14) Abby loves to gamble especially in Vegas.
15) Abby had a terrible experience with the birth of her first son and I think it took a great deal of strength and courage to have another child. Nick was worth it too he is a doll.
16)Snow and ice on Abby's birthday is nothing new...on her 2nd bday in '78 we had a huge blizzard that shut down the city for a week. During the blizzard our brother went down the stairs in a laundry basket and broke his arm and my dad had to drive him to the hospital in the VW van.
15) Abby never wore braces
16)...but has had glasses since she was little.
16) She prefers baths over showers
18) ..and a pool over the ocean.
19) She has an obsession with squirrels in particular.
20) She has a secret drawer.
22) She likes to be right and usually is.
23) She is a DVR addict.
24) Once she got a popcorn maker from her husband as a gift and she cried. I think her husband did better this year.
25) She can keep a secret (unlike me).
26) She makes the best coffee and hot sandwiches.
27) She and I constantly owe each other money for one reason or another.
28) We both hate it when our Dad is mad at us..our Mom we don't really worry about but our Dad we do for some reason
29) She has an odd affinity for Bobby Flay. Not just his food but him. She made her husband take her to his restaurant in Vegas and secretly hoped she would meet him.
30) She is always on time or early.
31) She is a stickler for correct grammar.
32) She has a personalized license plate on her car.
33) Her word is as good as gold. She says she is going to do it it is done

I hope you have a great day little sis'! Happy Birthday!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

My evolution as a Mom.

I was reading something today about a first time Mom declaring that her baby's first birthday cake would be the first sweet treat that she had ever tasted. This made me smile. I remember when I had Caroline 10 years ago. I followed the rules to a T. I treated the pediatrician like God and poured over child rearing books daily. I followed every arbitrary rule ever written about how to raise a baby. When I couldn't get the rule exactly right I felt like a failure. Caroline absorbed my insecurities and anxiety. She was extremely shy as a little girl and stuck to my leg like glue. Preschool was a painful experience for both of us. She cried and cried and I cried and cried. By the time I had my second I was busy with a two year old and so I was a little more lax with the rules. I only consulted the books every other day and didn't call the Dr. every time Olivia coughed or ran a temperature. Olivia is shy too but not as painfully shy as Caroline and she has an easier time with new situations. Three years later my last little bundle of joy arrived. By then I had a 5 year old and a 3 year old and no time to worry or focus on making everything fit into the box. I let her have fries and ice cream by 7months and **eeeekkkkk** even a few sips of pop. She had a pillow in her crib before she turned 1 AND I she watched TV (not just Baby Einstein either!!). We visited the pediatrician only for well baby visits and I am sure she droned on with some sort of wisdom but I don't think I heard her. Amelia is well adjusted and self confident. She does well in new situations and has a wonderful vocabulary.
I love all three of my girls individually and equally but I have to wonder if they popped out of the hatch with their personalities set in stone or if my parenting made them the way they are?

Monday, January 26, 2009

Overcome with toxic fumes.

You know those friendships that you really cherish and really want to keep but end up being toxic? The ones that change you into a blubbering kid hiding under the desk instead of your usual confident self. The ones that suck the ever loving life out of you yet you keep bouncing back for more. I find that I have rid myself of almost all those types of relationships in my life but there are a few I just can't seem to dissolve. I have worked extremely hard at building my self up the past few years. Being positive and beginning to love myself for exactly who I am, warts and all. Then one little thing happens and it sends me off into the corner again. It is totally exhausting. My hope is that as I was changing and maturing these people were too and when we meet again things will be different. That the whole make up of our relationship will be more balanced and genuine. That one person doesn't feel and exhibit superiority over the other. The bigger more important question though is why I keep giving the benefit of the doubt to people who are willing to throw me into a cage with a lion and look the other way.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Not me Monday!

I am once again participating in the blog carnival Not me Monday! Started by Mckmama over at My Charming Kids!

I could never have taken the kids to Target just to waste time... that would have been silly and caused me to spend lots of money.

My sister and I did NOT take 5 kids out to dinner and ply them with pop and mini donuts to keep them quiet. NO WAY, that would have been bribery!

I seriously did not consider making a tape of myself saying "find something to do!" "clean up your mess" and "time for bed" so I didn't have to repeat it over and over ....

There is no way I made Chris go shopping with the girls and I at Justice (major tween shop) especially not on his birthday weekend...nope not me!

I did NOT watch 48 Hours Mystery the other night even though I knew the person would be convicted because they always are and I did NOT tell myself I have to stop watching this show...even though I know I won't.

I didn't start hyperventilating when I saw the forecast for MORE snow this week that could delay or cancel school once again...that would have been silly!

There is no possible way I woke up at 3am because I heard the Wii music echoing in my head only to realize it was a horrible nightmare about the mii's chasing after me.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Random Picture Challenge!

Taking part the Saturday Random Picture Challenge started by Brittney over at 4 Little Men and Girly Twins! This is the 30th picture from my August 2007 file!
It is a picture of the first day of school. Caroline would have been entering 3rd grade and Olivia the 1st grade. Amelia would have been just in the picture for fun! I made them pose in the first few pictures and told them to do something funny in this one....

Friday, January 23, 2009

Seeing clearly through the fog.

When you hear the economy is bad it is hard to really understand until it starts really affecting people you know. Today I found out a good friend lost her job. She is a good person with a family. She was always on time and rarely missed work. These things made no difference when push came to shove. Now she is left to feel like a failure and try and put things back together and start the frustrating task of finding another job. It is so hard to look forward and past the fog to a promising future but that is the best thing to do. I am speaking from experience. Chris lost his job last May and we faced such uncertainty and self doubt. The most important thing I want to get across is that although it is a hard road to take with lots of bumps and dead ends, I am happy we had to face that trip. It made us closer as a family and helped us reevaluate what is important. It also taught us not to feel overly secure and always be open to change. My friend is an awesome person with tons of great qualities and any company would be lucky to have her. She will land on her feet quickly and I hope our country will follow and the economy will rebound.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Admiration from the other side.

I have been helping out in Amelia's preschool class a couple of times a month. The first time I volunteered I felt drawn to come back again. Her class isn't an average preschool class. It is called a peer model class. Four of the students are normally developing and the other ten have delays of varying degrees. Amelia is one of the normally developing kids and had to go through many hoops to get into the class. When I heard about the class I knew it was exactly what I wanted for her.
When you walk into the class there is no time to be a bystander. Immediately there is a child to chase or a nose to wipe. The teacher is on top of every aspect of the class. She knows what each child's goals are and the best way to get them to fulfil those goals. I have total admiration for her. She is one of those people that you immediately feel a kinship with and want to be around. That personality and spirit is what makes her a fabulous teacher. She is one of those people you want to say "it takes a special person to do the job that you do. I know I could never do it". The thing is when I used to teach special education 10 years ago that was something that was said to me on a daily basis. I did not get it then...and used to be almost offended when people said that to me. Now I believe with every part of me that it really does take a special person to do the job. It takes someone who does not prejudge abilities based on limitations. It takes someone who can see past physical differences and treat all the students with the same amount of respect and positive reinforcement. I truly believe this one year of preschool will affect Amelia positively both academically but more importantly in her capacity to accept differences with enthusiasm.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The church of being a good person.

My two older kids are at an age where they are starting to get asked what church we go to....the answer is none. That answer apparently leads to shock and disbelief among 8 and 10 year olds (and to tell the truth among 30-40 year olds too). Then my kids come to me and want to know why we don't go to church. What I tell them is that it is how you live your life every day not whether you go to church every Sunday. We are good people. We care about others and follow the law. We don't do this because we are in fear of eternal damnation we do it because we want too. I have no problem at all with people who choose to attend church but for petes sake keep your laws off my body! Don't tell your kids to recruit my kids to come to church and when they don't want too, look down on them as lesser humans or people who have just not "found" God yet. Don't tell my kids that because Obama was elected President babies are going to get thrown in fires. If my children decide to go to church in the future or if they choose to be homosexual (even though I think you are born that way) I will support them because that is what parents do. For now our choice is to continue to be good people and live our lives accordingly.

By the way I totally realize I am going to hell so you don't need to leave a comment and tell me :)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

My very first blog award THANKS Kate...Hmmm I am supposed to tag a bunch of people but I don't think most of the people that read my blog have blogs themselves.

Time and change will surely show...

Watching the Inauguration today really made me think about the courage it takes to take the steps toward change. I know that comparing my life to that of the President is kind of out there but stay with me for a minute. I feel like I am at a point in my life where change is on the horizon. My youngest is headed to kindergarten next year so the stay at home mom gig is going to be shortened to after school and breaks. My focus for the last ten years is basically going to disintegrate and I will be on my own to recreate some new focus. Before my kids were born I taught special education . High stress and not something I really want to go back too. I am trying hard to look at this as an endeavor that is basically open to new unique experiences and possibility. Things like that scare the crap out of me though. I hate change. Despise it really. I have come a long way over the past year. I have tried tons of new, scary things and some I have actually enjoyed. I am hoping something will lead me toward the thing I am destined to become involved in, something that will inspire me and change me. I am hoping whatever that thing might be is also something that lets me inspire others and cause positive change in the world.

Monday, January 19, 2009

The fun house mirror.

It is hard to figure out where the tainted view on body image starts for women but I am sure it is early. I myself have always felt overweight and awkward. I am tall and have big feet so I am quite often the largest girl in the room. I can never remember stepping on the scale when I weighed less then 100 pounds although I am assuming I wasn't born that weight. I was looking at pictures from high school and from my wedding and remembering how heavy I thought I was then. Now I see myself in the pictures and realize how thin I was and how I would kill to be that weight again. I am fully aware that this is how eating disorders begin for young girls and am on a mission to not let that happen to my kids. Having three girls makes it all the more an issue in our house. My 10 year old is already noticing the differences in sizes and shapes of girls in her grade and I know the next few years will be pivotal in making her a healthy person in years to come. I want to instill in all of them that eating healthy and staying active helps to build a foundation for a healthy life. I want them to join sports teams to stay active and be a part of a group of girls all working together to get to a goal. I truly do believe that this helps girls feel confident that their bodies are worth something and needed for something. This comes from a girl that was never on a sports team past rec soccer at 8. I wish I had been I really do but I just never felt I was good enough or thin enough to succeed in something like that. Another thing that I think is huge for young girls is what they hear their moms say at home. If they are constantly hearing their mom saying I look fat, I am on a diet, or that food has too many calories etc etc then that becomes ingrained in their minds and is psychologically damaging. Just as bad is when you monitor your child's diet down to their calorie intake and don't ever let them have treats or make their own choices when ordering in a restaurant. There has to be a balance of healthy and unhealthy and if you start early and have nutritious food in your house and include family dinners and family exercise it really does help to build a great foundation.
I hope that I am doing all I can do so that my girls have an accurate view of their bodies and don't feel like they are looking into a fun house mirror every time they see themselves.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Not Me Monday!

Is it really Monday?? Wouldn't know it around here since we have TODAY and TOMORROW
off...anyway continuing the tradition started over on My Charming Kids of Not Me Monday!

When the kids got off the bus Thursday saying YAY they called school off tomorrow for extreme coldness I didn't say OH NO you must be mistaken....that would mean you would have a FIVE day weekend only to walk inside to a message actually confirming the fact that school was called off!

I didn't let the kids stay up as late as they wanted more then one night this weekend in hopes they might sleep in a little in the morning...that would have been selfish!

I didn't shed tears over the plane crashing into the Hudson that would be so unlike me...I also didn't thank the heavens it wasn't Chris in the plane since he was flying to N.Carolina that very day.

I would never have eaten pizza three nights in a row and loved every minute of it ...nope not me!

There is no way I heard Caroline sneeze and realized her sneeze is MY sneeze and then get a little sentimental about it...that would have been weird and definately not Beth like.

I could never have told Amelia that if she talked sassy to me one more time I was going to pick her up by her toes and drag her to her room...that would be so mean and childish.

Saturday, January 17, 2009


After watching American Idol this week and seeing the girl audition in the skimpy bikini I started to think about modesty and how some people just don't' possess any. I asked my ten year old if she new what modesty was and she didn't really have an answer so I looked it up and showed her the definition:

Modesty is most often rendered as humility, shyness, or simplicity. The general principles of modesty include:Avoiding attracting attention to oneself by moderating one's actions or appearance;Downplaying one's accomplishments (see humility);Avoiding insincere self-abasement through false or sham modesty, which is a form of boasting.

When I saw the definition it really hit home because I have always considered myself modest but not for the reasons in the definition. I don't walk around naked or even in my underwear, I don't wear low cut shirts or string bikinis (and wouldn't even if I had the bod), I don't' like raunchy sex jokes or talking about any ones sex life... makes me blush. So to me that was being modest. However I now consider myself super duper over the top modest. I hate having attention drawn to me for good or bad reasons, I would go out of my way not to accomplish something if I knew it would draw attention to me. What is interesting to me is the people I know in my world that are not modest are also outgoing and self confident. When I think about it most of the people I surround myself with and am close to are definitely NOT modest. I actually think I am jealous of their candor and ability to put it all out there. I think it might be too late for me to shed some of my hang ups and modesty but I hope I can figure out some way to make my girls be proud of their accomplishments and self assured without turning them into the girl in the bikini on American Idol.

Random Picture Challenge!

Playing along with another random picture challenge started by Brittany over at 4 men and 2 girly twins! She had us go to our January picture folder and to picture 8.

This picture is actually from this past week during a snow storm that closed schools and made driving terrible...a few days later we had -20 degree temperatures and guess what?? schools were closed again! So this weekend has turned into a 5 day weekend for us...we already had Monday and Tuesday off! It is like a second winter break.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Chasing happiness.

Lately I have been feeling like I can't quite get happy. I think I had a bit of an epiphany about it today. I have been placing way too much emphasis on large long range things that I think will make me happy and not focusing on the small everyday things I could be enjoying along the way. What I think I am saying is stop and smell the roses a little and maybe everyday can be a happy day. For instance today I noticed the way the sunlight sparkled on the newly fallen looked like hundreds of tiny jewels and it made me smile. Yesterday I heard the loud laughter of all three girls at the same time which made me giggle myself since it is such a rare occurrence. Last week my kitty cat was cold at night and snuggled with me purring loudly waking me out of a deep sleep but still making me feel happy. Those types of things happen multiple times a day and if I added them together I am sure I would feel a sense of daily happiness. What I have been doing is standing on the outside looking at how happy everyone else seems to be and not focusing on the minute by minute stuff in my life. I am vowing to myself to try and loosen up a little and let go of some of my stress and axiety so I can enjoy my kids and my husband and myself a little more.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


I just read on another blog that this is the week that all the lurkers that read blogs are supposed to come out of the woodwork and leave a comment just so us bloggers know you are reading :) I would so appreciate it! Thanks!

The comedy of errors that is my life.

When I really stop and think about it my life is a jumbled mass of errors surrounded by laughter. Like the recent arrival of Amelia's need to tell on herself about every little thing until I finally told her I really didn't care what the heck she does as long as she doesn't tell me about it. OR maybe the fact that Caroline had a two year old fit over the fact that I couldn't come have lunch with her on the exact date of her half birthday and I felt the need to bargain with her to get her to stop. It could even be the fight that Olivia and Amelia had over a plastic champagne glass full of cat food (don't ask) out in front of the Chris' office while he was on an important conference call. Amelia telling me that if I decided not to make pancakes for dinner that she was going to fire me was pretty funny. What was even funnier is when I asked if that meant I was just fired from making from dinner or all around fired she pointed a finger in the air and make a big circle to signify ALL the way aROUND fired...I had to laugh right out loud at that one. The comedy continued today when it stated to snow. Caroline grew out of her boots from last year and I haven't found any for her yet ..she wears women's sizes all of a sudden and they are so expensive and I am so CHEAP. Anyway we got a ton of snow today and she wanted to play outside so what did I do?? doubled up on socks and let her wear some 3$ shoes I got on clearance that we could just throw away. At least I didn't do the plastic bags inside the shoes right? I assume the errors in my life will continue and I hope the laughter will keep on going to balance everything out.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Through the looking glass.

I have been dredging up lots of old high school memories lately. Seeing lots of old names and faces through Facebook has been making me really think. Now we all seem to be on an even playing field. Everyone seems normal and friendly and I certainly have people on my friends list that I would have never been real friends with in high school. This certainly goes both ways. There are people I would not have given the time of day too and also people who would not have glanced twice at me.
I remember the great importance that was placed on what clothes you wore and how you styled your hair in high school. What I remember more vividly though is the importance placed on who was friends with who. There were certain crowds ...the athletes...the rock star wanna be's...the prom queens...the nerds and so on. I was one of those people that never really fit into any one group which was good and bad. I worked hard to try and fit into every group at least partly but then in the end I never really managed to feel I belonged. Don't get me wrong I have a few very close friends that I still talk to and love today but it wasn't the same as being part of one of the sought after groups.
What I really wish is that I could hold up a looking glass in front of my three daughters eyes and that they could peer in and see how none of that stuff really matters in the grand scheme of things. I would somehow show them that high school politics do not have any bearing on how you turn out as an adult. Instead of hoping for magic to relay the message to them I am going to have to hope that I am doing a good job helping them build the self confidence and self worth necessary to make it through the shark filled waters. I am hoping that my unconditional love and support will be enough.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Not ME Monday!

As usual I am joining in the fun started over at My Charming Kids and posting my Not ME's!

I definitely did not pick Amelia up every day from preschool last week a few minutes late...that would be wrong and totally unlike me! I could never have hugged her and heard her exclaim I PICKED MY NOSE AT SCHOOL TODAY or I DID NOT PICK MY NOSE AT SCHOOL TODAY alternately each day last week. I would never have giggled and smiled when she said it even though the teacher didn't.
I could never have eaten right and exercised all week last week only to fall off the wagon and eat everything in sight over the weekend that would have been bad for my nutrition plan! I really did keep my resolution to not drink wine during the week IF you count Friday, Saturday and Sunday as the weekend :)
I did NOT wake up to Amelia telling me she had a terrible dream twice this week and let her right into my warm bed so I didn't have to get out to take her back to her own. I also didn't sit straight up in bed and think her dream about breaking her arm was probably more of a premonition then a dream. The same premonition thing didn't run through my head at all when she told me her second dream was about her going to jail..that would have made me a terrible mother!
I was NOT cussing under my breath this morning at 6am when the phone rang and woke me telling me that school was delayed. There was no way that after that call I was wide awake a full hour before my alarm was set to go off even though the kids could now sleep in that would have been an unfair travesty!
There is no way to avoid going to the bank for cash I dug through the change in my car to have enough to get a fountain Diet Coke not once but twice this week.
I could never have let Amelia play Wii all morning so I could write my NOT me Monday that would have been so uneducational and wrong!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Down the road.

Down the road I want to drive a cute sporty SUV with no car seats in the back. For now I will have to settle for a mini-van littered with snack wrappers and hair bands.

Down the road I want to be able to sleep in on a Saturday and read a novel in my pj's all day by a roaring fire. For now I will have to learn to love early wake ups and dozens of errands.

Down the road I want to vacation with my husband in the tropics without guilt or responsibility. For now I will enjoy family vacations with the kids including the hours in the car and lots of trips to the bathroom.

Down the road I want to make gourmet meals from scratch and enjoy them by candle light. These days macaroni and cheese and chocolate milk will have to do.

Down the road I want to listen to the music I enjoy and watch the tv shows that I like. For the moment I will deal with Hannah Montana and the Jonas Brothers along with Sponge Bob and American Idol.

Down the road I want to be able to talk on the phone whenever and for however long I want. For now I will be content with cutting the calls short to help with homework or to referee a fight. Unless I hide in the bathroom and ignore the chaos that breaks out every single time the phone rings.

Down the road I want to be able to focus on my training and nutrition and be able to run a marathon. Right now I will have to settle for fitting it in when I can and reach a goal of a 3K.

Down the road I hope Caroline finds a voice, Olivia finds herself and Amelia ...well I hope Amelia avoids the law. For now I will settle for Caroline worrying less about a bully, Olivia only crying every other week at school and Amelia telling me she had a bad dream about being put in jail. At least it was a BAD dream.

Down the road I hope to be able to say NO sometimes. For now I will continue to say yes to every ones wants, needs and requests.

Way down the road I hope to be sitting in a rocking chair next to Chris rocking my sweet grand babies. For now I get to sit in a rocking chair and dress and undress baby dolls, Barbies and Polly pockets over and over.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Random picture challange.

On this cold winter day I decided to participate in one of my favorite blogs 4 men and girly twins random picture challenge. She went to her May picture folder and randomly picked the number 21 then went to that picture and posted it and gave a little description. Head there if you want to participate!

Here is my random May picture!

Olivia and Caroline were in a parade on Memorial Day and we were sitting along the route and took this picture of them. They were with their good friends , Kylie and Kara, that live down the street from us and after the parade we went to their house for a rockin' good pool party!! That sounds good about now!

Friday, January 9, 2009

The smell of memories!

Isn't it funny how images or smells can trigger memories?? I have been going through a lot of old pictures lately and that brought on my post about my siblings. Today I was at the grocery store and opened the door in the bakery case to get Amelia a cookie and the sweet smell of baked goods brought back a slew of memories. When I was in high school I worked in a little family owned bakery with one of my good friends for 2 or 3 years. I am pretty darn sure that is why Chris and I started dating. I would get all the day old baked goods and I would always give them to him. Sometimes on Saturday mornings we would have customers 10 deep rattling off orders for dozens of danishes and doughnuts. When the owners left for the day in the afternoons my friend and I would sneak our friends in the back and we would have fun frosting cakes and cookies and playing around. At the end of the day I remember having to clean and disinfect the whole store and having to count the money and put it in the safe in the floor and then having to lock up. Now it seems like a huge responsibility for a 15/16 year old but back then I remember enjoying all the freedom a job and money gave me.
I used to come home from work smelling like doughnuts and pastries (Chris probably liked that too). Even after a shower I could still smell the disgustingly sweet odor on my skin. I think it took about five years after I stopped working there to be able to eat a doughnut, cake or cookie. Hey, maybe I need to start working in a bakery again!

Thursday, January 8, 2009


As I see my three daughters growing up I notice quite a bit of sibling rivalry. From the minute they get off the bus until they go to bed at night they are constantly picking with each other, teasing and trying to one up each other. It annoys me to no end and I always have to take a step back and remember when I was little the rivalry that went on in our house. Some of it I have blocked out but my brother and sister eagerly fill in all the blanks. I do remember my brother who is 2 years older then me used to steal my barbies and cut their hair off and throw them out the window. When we were really young my brother and I decided it would be fun to ride down the stairs in a laundry basket..kind of like our own roller coaster. Well apparently (from what I have been told) my brother decided to go first and I pushed the basket and he slid down and flipped into a door and broke his arm. I also remember that I used to take my fingernails and pinch my brother all the time leaving fingernail marks on his arms. My sister was four years younger growing up and sadly I took advantage of that little detail. One time I got her to eat a whole heaping spoonful of sugar and then I told her she should go lay down on the couch because it was going to make her go blind. Another time when there was a snow day and we were home from school I was watching her while my Mom went to work (well my brother was there too but I am reasonably sure he had his head in a book while listening to loud music). I told my sister that kidnappers were coming to get her and take her away and she had to stay locked in my parents bedroom all day long. I guess I was maybe 12 or 13 so she was only 8. She was totally scared and cried...I forget how I talked her out of telling our parents (I probably bribed her with a 1$). She insists that one time I spread Blixtex on her eyelids and told her it would make her know how Blistex burns on chapped lips??? 100x worse on tender little kid eyelids!! Then there were the smelling mom is a nurse and used to empty her pockets on her dresser. Once my brother broke one apart and said YUM smell this and I did..I will never forget the terrible cold tingling in my nose! My sister says I did it to her once too but I conveniently don't remember that ever happening.
I have not told any of these stories to my girls..I certainly don't want to give them ideas or ammunition. The important thing is that as much as we fought and rivaled as kids we are now good friends so I think a lot of it is just part of learning to grow up in a family. Sorry for all that mean stuff I did to you though David and Abby :)
Apparently my sibling fury also affected my best friend across the streets little sister (she just reminded me of a ton more stories)....Sorry Kate :)

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Aging gracefully...HA.

I hate that every time I look in the mirror I see new wrinkles popping up around my eyes and lines stretching across my forehead. I hate that when I look at myself in the mirror I feel like my boobs are closer to my waist or maybe my waist is closer to my boobs. Either way it sucks. I wear more lotions and potions now then I ever did in my 20's to try an reverse the hands of time. I will always remember when a close friend who is a few years older then me hit 35 and told me she starting using anti aging cream at night...I being only 33 was shocked because I hadn't quite hit that stage of reality yet. But don't you know that when I hit 35 I started the nightly regimen. Only recently I have started wearing more makeup too. For years I hardly wore any at all but now if I don't put it on I feel less then attractive. The big question is who is actually judging my attractiveness?? I am sure it isn't any of the women that I know personally because they are all busy judging their own sags and wrinkles as harshly as I am judging my own.
I think the hardest part of this whole aging thing is the fact that I still feel like I am 20 and when I picture myself in my head I see the young smooth me but then I step in front of the mirror and I see the real now me. I love myself inside so much more now than at 20. I am sure of myself and my thoughts and beliefs. I would certainly NEVER want to be 20 again unless of course I could have the inside ME from now and the outside ME from then...that would be perfect. Too bad life doesn't work that way!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Accomplishments are all relative.

Today when I was in the car with Amelia she started whistling and I told her how great it was she could do that. She told me that she can whistle AND zip in the most proud voice ever. She then went on to tell me she can cut paper, pour water and write a good "A" in her name. I started thinking about how accomplishments change as you get older. She was happy with those things that seem so silly to me now but I am sure to her those are huge! I remember when I was in high school driving a car and having a date on Friday night were huge accomplishments. Then getting into a good college and figuring out how to pay for it for four years. After college finding a job and a house and someone to share those things with were up there on the list of things to accomplish. Next came babies and mini vans. Mid-life is bringing about new accomplishments. Setting up retirement funds and raising well mannered intelligent children. Limiting junk food to lower cholesterol. Exercising and eating right more for you heart then your thighs. I am coming to the conclusion that the need to accomplish things in life is partly an innate trait and partly learned. When babies start to smile eveyone ohhhs and ahhs, when they crawl everyone claps, when they learn to walk everyone cheers. The need to please defiantly fuels the need to accomplish things in life. Whether it is to please others or only yourself.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

NOT me Monday!

After taking a week off for the Holidays my favorite little therapy session started by Mckmama over at My Charming Kids is back :) Joining right in this week with tons of NOT ME's!!

I certainly did not drink so much cheap red wine on NYE that I woke up with the wine flu in the morning especially at the ripe old age of 37!

There is no way I actually enjoyed using my Dyson over and over in the past few weeks that would be ludicrous especially for THE ANTI-clean ME.

I would never have gotten super excited when I realized the kids go back to school Monday, but then sort of sad when I realized Christmas is a whole year away.

I did not obsessively use my iPhone to Facebook, take pictures and check my email while we were on a family trip to a museum...that would have been RUDE!!

I didn't stuff as much yummy food in my body as I could this weekend before getting back on the plan Monday...nope NOT me!

I could NEVER have gone to a one year old 's birthday party and feel nostalgic and wish I had a baby again...there is absolutely positively NO way that could ever happen.

When Amelia told me she didn't feel well I didn't tell her she would be fine and then later realize she was burning up and really sick and feel terrible that I hadn't taken her seriously.

I didn't jump for joy when the alarm rang at 7am (or I am imagining I will since it is still Sunday night)!

Going under cover.

Have you ever had one of those days where you want to change your name?? Today is that day. I would be more then happy to go with anything at all except MOM, MOTHER, MOMMY or any derivative really. I told the girls that I am no longer answering to the name, that as of today I am changing it....I told them that when they say MOM I am hungry or MOM my sister is annoying me or MOM I need you that I won't respond. Get your own snack, work it out with your sister or at the very least call the OTHER adult in the house: DAD. They wanted to know what I was changing my name to. I told them it was privileged information and on a need to know basis. They definitely do NOT need to know.
Hmm who would be able to guess that the kids have been home for 2 full weeks??

Saturday, January 3, 2009

A genius!

I really do think Amelia may be some sort of genius. She continually shows signs of being the smartest tool in the shed. Today she asked to use the computer to play on PBS kids. I told her to wait until I could help her. She told me she knew how to do it...and guess what she did. I walked in to help her set it up and she was already on the site playing a game. NO clue how she figured it out. I do not have it bookmarked or anything. She tried to explain how she did it but she is way smarter then I am and I had no idea what she was trying to tell me. Another thing that amazes me is the fact that she can hook up and play the Wii with no help from anyone. She gets up in the morning and comes straight down and gets herself all set up. I could not do that if my life depended on idea! Along with this extreme genius comes the other part of Amelia. Her inability to speak in a quiet voice EVER. Her constant need to annoy both her older sisters in every way possible. She certainly knows what buttons to push on every member of our family and I guess that is part of her genius...she is what we often refer to in our family as an evil genius.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

"Snapshots" of New Years Eve.

On to something a little lighter :) We had a great New Years Eve! My Sister and her family came and spent the night and my Mom and Dad came over for dinner and celebration!

*Mojitos ala BIL Jeremy for all using a medicine cup as a shot glass..we are at Beth's house remember.

* Chris grilling steaks in the 20 degree night.

*Owen and Amelia run up to her room to measure themselves in her bed to see if they can sleep in it together with out touching.

*Everyone jams with Rock Band to old favorites. Caroline sings Hungry Like a Wolf for the twentieth time.

* A round of wine and another and another.

* Cookies, candy, chips and dips.

*Facebooking with my Brother.

* Neighbors/Friends stop over and admire the chaos that is everywhere. Ok admire is a strong word....ummmm observe???

* A special New Years call from my friend Heidi in Wisconsin! YAY!

*Amelia tosses her cookies.

*Everyone mourns Sponge Bob, ICarly and Drake and Josh

* Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest count down to 2009.

* Kids rejoice that Time Warner struck a deal and that their shows will stay!

* Everyone tucked in...for a while.

* Owen up at 6am...followed shortly by everyone else except Jeremy who continues to sleep in the middle of the family room floor.

* Breakfast and COFFEE.

* Our guests pack up and head home...but forget Nicks special blankie and drop books and toys in the drive on the way out. Ahhh glad to see we will continue with the same fun and chaos in the new year!


The cruel world.

Being the new year I really hoped I could have a renewed faith in the human spirit. Nope not today. I just can't stand people who take advantage of others especially those in a weakened state. People who prey on others and use their power to take what they need when they want to and toss them aside when they don't. I know it is hard to see fault when you let yourself be used over and over and beaten down over and over but seriously people this is true emotional abuse. I think this type of abuse is deadlier then physical abuse in some ways. I wish there was something I could do but I know that no one can do anything to stop this cycle but the person being abused and that will only happen when they hit the rock bottom. Gosh I hope that that happens soon because I can hardly stand another minute of witnessing such a despicable human. OK off by soap box...oh one more thing. I can not watch the ASPCA commercial one more time that has the injured and abused animals in is not conducive to TV watching and makes me cry every time I see it.