{Gratitude Lately} :a reminder to me:

Lately I have been grateful for birds chirping before the sun rises and sweet smelling spring flowers.

For healthy feet that allow me to run fast {or walk away slow} and

learning who to count on and how to count more on me.

 For hot tea and grandma sweaters to warm my body and wake my mind. 

For remembering how reading feeds my soul and ignites my imagination.

For my furry friends who ask only for soft pats and butterfly kisses and human friends who give more than they take.

For humor that keeps my raft afloat and for my three sass monsters that energize my spirit.

What have you been grateful for lately?

Here is to pouring enough gratitude into the glass to make it half full!

The Twilight Zone

Life with kids is full of firsts. As parents we wait for every one of them. First steps, riding a two wheeler, first day of school, first school dance... all documented by pictures and memory books. Proud moments in our parenting progression. Smiling faces and encouraging words. The firsts we use to one up the Joneses.

Then there are the other firsts. The ones in the alternate universe of firsts. We as parents pretend this universe doesn't exist.  We pretend these firsts don't happen at all. The first time our kid gets melt-into-the-floor-embarrassed at school. The first kiss. The first sip of alcohol and the first speeding ticket. The firsts we don't witness or celebrate. Those firsts aren't main stream. They aren't photographed. They matter more though. Those alternate universe firsts...they shaped us...they shape them. Part of growing up is learning to navigate all these first without those camera flashes and cheering. To revel in the reactions and decisions made alone, out of the spotlight. Part of being a parent is letting go enough for our kids to fall a little bit into that alternate universe.

Seasons Change

It's the subtle changes that creep in that are the hardest for me. Those big slap in the face changes.. well those suck horribly in their own way. They are shocking and immediately cause a physical reaction. They have to be addressed head on.  Acknowledged and accepted. But the soft whispering changes that drift in over days and weeks and months those are the worst. The ones you don't see until they have happened. The ones that begin so quietly and spread as slowly as a shadow fading  during sunset.

Change helps you grow they say. I want to believe that. But I'm not sure I do.  My heart doesn't want to adapt to the loss of what used to be and embrace what is now. It is like accepting is somehow discounting that the past is real.  I liked the flowers and the chocolate like any girl does. But I loved  the talking for hours and the naming our nonexistent children and the conquer the world together because no one else matters feeling.

The beginning is easy. It is all ahead of you . Excitement and the unknown.  The hard part comes later when the changes have snuck in between the years.  In between each other. They knock you out of balance and leave you looking up for answers. They sap your energy and your ability to play I-am-rubber-you-are-glue with indifference. Those changes that seep in every little crevice and tiny crack take over the relationship like some sort of exorcist.
Reaching deep to find the power to step past. Learning to find a way to remember and recapture. Finding the next hill on the coaster to climb. My plan. My hope. My heart.