All Views Accepted Here

I am at a loss for words (but I'm NOT) over the lack of diversity in people. I am probably a little naive in the respect that I thought it was good to surround yourself with people that are different then yourself. To gather different perspectives and reflect on unique and varying views on topics. To teach our children that differences make the world go around. Differences of opinion are a part of life and everyone is entitled to their own. The hard part is finding it in yourself to respect other people regardless of varied viewpoints.

I myself would never drop anyone as a friend on Facebook because they are a fan of Sarah Palin even though I think she is an imbecile. Instead I like to hear why people are attracted to her and what they see in her. I embrace the opportunity to listen to different sides of every story. Disagree and dislike are certainly two different words and concepts. Just because I disagree with someone does not automatically mean I dislike them. So what that I 100% support the fact that two consenting adults should be allowed to legally marry regardless of their sexual orientation...that doesn't make me want to shelter myself from others who might think differently. It also doesn't make me want to censor my own views and opinions just to avoid discussion.

I actually enjoy having friends who have different beliefs then I do. Variety is the spice of life. How boring it would be if we all wore the same color clothes or if we only ate one food day in and day out?? Really boring. It is so sad that people like to put themselves in a tiny box and refuse to, even for a minute, think of what could be waiting for them outside those four brown cardboard walls. If everyone wasn't so interested in following the herd think of all the diversity we could expose ourselves and our children too. Think of all the things we might have a chance to learn.

The Colander Effect

Through the years we all come into contact with hundreds of people. We meet new people through all sorts of daily activities. We casually interact with people at work, during church and at our kid's schools. We move to neighborhoods and immerse ourselves in an environment with people in our own general place in life. Most of those people end up being casual acquaintances or one time hellos. As all these people are sifted through the colander a few are too important to fall through the holes. These people are the ones that for some important reason end up being more then just passers by. They are the people that we are drawn to and end up finding a connection to. The people we want to keep close to us and feel an intense need to integrate them into our lives. The people who you want to dance with at your wedding and hope will speak at your funeral. The reasons behind why these people are the ones we are drawn to over the others is unclear. There is a sort of unspoken mystery that connects us with those certain people. The kind of connection that can't be broken.

Top Ten Reasons I Hate Snow

Top Ten Reasons I Hate Snow

10) Snow is bitter, cold and wet. Even if you have to go out in it for a minute or two your eyes water and your nose runs. It is miserable and annoying. Not to mention the whole process to get dressed appropriately and you have to actually wear a coat, hat and gloves. A snowball in the face? Worse then a punch as far as I am concerned.

9) Snow is hard to drive on. Driving is dangerous enough when you have the best weather conditions. Now you have to drive on a slippery white substance spread across the road. No one can drive on the snow either. A few flakes drop and everyone turns into an idiot. They either turn into old lady drivers and drive 20 on the freeway or continue their normal speed of 80 in the 60 mile an hour speed zone. Either way the snow creates anxiety and frustration on the roads.

8) Playing in the snow. The kids think they want to go outside and play in it for hours. First I have to locate the snow clothes that are packed away. Then I bundle them up in layer after layer and head outside only to be back inside before 10 minutes are up. They are all wet and whiney. They want hot chocolate and dry gloves to go back out for another 10 minutes. They drag wet snow in and it melts everywhere. I walk in it in my socks and get mad.

7) Snow makes you gain weight. Not the snow exactly but a side effect of the white fluffy crap. When it snows a lot you can't get out of your house. It is bitter cold. You basically sit in your house bundled up in a Snuggie, craving warm savory meals dripping in butter and sauces. Yummy freshly baked cookies and bread. Heck since you can't go anywhere in the snow you might as well try some new recipes. The snow forces you to pack on at least 10 pounds every winter.

6) Walking outside to get the paper or mail. It is like an ice rink out there. I slip and slide and eventually fall on my butt. My clothes get wet and I have a bruised butt and worse yet a bruised ego especially if a neighbor happened to be driving by.

5) Hat head and a red nose. I look more like a clown then usual.

4) Snow Blower Envy. I live on a corner and have more sidewalk to shovel then anybody else. All of my neighbors have snow blowers and I have envy every time it snow. Shoveling snow just sucks but so does paying several hundred dollars for a piece of equipment I (or more accurately my husband) only use two or three times a year.

3) Dirty Snow. For the first few minutes after it stops snowing it looks beautiful, then a car drives by and you have dirty snow. Dirty snow is just ugly.

2) Power outages, high gas bills and potholes OH MY.

And my number ONE reason I HATE snow!

1) Snow days. School gets cancelled and the kids wake up earlier then they would normally. They sit around the house and tell me how bored they are. If they miss more then 3 days for snow then they have to make them up at the end of the school year when the grades are already turned in and the summer has already started in their minds. I bet if I piled my kids on a sled, put on my snow shoes and bundled up I could get them the mile and a half to school in a jiffy.

Experience is Key

It always amazes me how history tends to repeat itself. Sometimes in different forms but always with the same message. The girls have had chores for years. Simple stuff like feeding the cats or unloading the dishwasher. In the last few months we have given them some more complex things to do. For some reason I caught myself redoing the things that they had done because they weren't done right all the while grumbling about having to do everything myself. By right I mean the way I do them. That realization made me cringe. It made me remember another time when I felt my way was the right way. When we had our first baby eleven and a half years ago I used to literally walk behind Chris and redo everything he tried to do. I would re-wash, re-diaper and re-feed Caroline. He could do nothing right no matter how hard he tried. I dismissed him and his efforts outwardly while inwardly tearing my hair out over all my responsibility. The closer I got to having a complete mental breakdown the harder my grip became on the control of how things had to be. After I got some sleep and Caroline got a little older I did loosen my hold a little and with each baby after that I let Chris do more. I remember having to consciously remove myself from the room and let him take some of the control. He might not have done things the way I would have done them. He might not have done them the right way. The kids were always happy and warm and safe. They had the love and attention of their Daddy. He had the time to gain experience and learn. I had time to sleep or read or bathe. It really was a win-win situation. Back to now and the chores. The memory of me back then was like a slap in the face. I know that the girls are doing the work. They are being responsible and doing it without being asked. They might not be doing it exactly right but it is getting done and I don't have to do it, again a win-win situation. Experience is the best teacher. They are learning and so am I.

Weighing In.

I realized this morning that I have been having a fight with someone who lives in my bathroom for as long as I can remember. Someone who taunts me with his cold metal and flashing digital lights. No matter what numbers pop up on Mr. Scale, I want to pick him up claw off the numbers and toss him out the window. The fact that I am 25 lbs lighter this year then I was last really doesn't seem to matter. The numbers are never small enough. As women we see thinness as a badge that signifies something better then what we are. When we see someone thin we see that as a sign that they are happy and that their life is easy. The ability to be skinny signifies to us or maybe just to me that a person is able to have self control and therefore every aspect in their lives is under control. When I sit and think about this I realize that it is bizarre and ignorant. The size that you are has no bearing on what kind of life you lead. As a matter of fact people who look like they have it all together are very likely the one with things spinning out of control. Somehow society has managed to blind us to logic though and judging a person by their physical appearance happens. The story about 23 year old actress Heidi Montag that has been in the news due to the many plastic surgeries she has had over the last year is a great example. She had 10 0r 11 different procedures done all at the same time. All to change things about herself that she didn't like. Her chin and her nose and her boobs. She pinned her ears back so she could look good with her hair up when she walks on the red carpet. She even said something to the effect of she is just starting out and no where near done with the cosmetic work she wants to have done. She has control over all these alterations. She can create whatever face she can afford. She was a pretty, young, thin girl before any of the surgeries but she obviously could not see that when she looked in the mirror. I just wonder if what is going on inside that she can't control will ever be addressed. The things that make her want to change herself into someone that her old self wouldn't even recognize. Come to think of it why would any of us want to do that?

Constructive or Destructive?

We all want reassurance in our lives. Everyone likes to hear someone tell them what a great job they have done or how fantastic they are. So we ask opinions. We say we want want to know honest reactions. The problem is when you put yourself out there for judgement the reaction can never be all positive. No matter how constructive criticism is it is still finding flaws in whatever it is you are doing. Criticism of any kind can be destructive if you let it overcome you. On the other hand finding the constructive part within the critical part can open a whole new door into what you can achieve. Once you wallow past the initial embarrassment and irritation of someone finding negative parts to your work you can let yourself digest the advice and use it to better yourself and your craft. People who are unable to do this often fail to reach for new and different goals. The hardest part for me is facing the person who gives me harsh, constant criticism. The person that forgets to add the constructive part or if they do it is so far hidden I can't seem to find it no matter how hard I search. Me.

Words are Worse then Sticks and Stones.

You know those moments in time that seem to form who you are?? The ones that make you who you are and help explain what you are about. One of those moments in time that you can trace back years or decades that made you face something about yourself that was lurking below the surface. I remember so clearly when that happened to me. It was the summer before high school started. I had all the high hopes and popular dreams that most girls that age have. Going to a new school, starting fresh with no preconceived notions hanging over your head. You could be who and what you wanted. I was taking a walk with a friend and we were fantasizing about how great and exciting the school year would be. We were walking along , our heads in the clouds, when a old rusty clunker bumped by with the horn honking. We both turned and looked and saw a car full of high school boys. They slowed down and circled around and came back toward us. They clearly pointed at my friend and hooted and hollered. They whistled and yelled about her cute butt and her flowing hair. Then they turned to me and started laughing. They yelled and pointed at me too. Instead of saying things that were complimentary they told me I was fat and over sized. That I walked like a horse and my hair was too short. They were out of sight before the sound of their voices echoing left my ears. Their words would never leave my head. Not when I walked into school the first day. Not when I attempted to try out for volleyball. Not when I met new people. Those things they said were just words to them but to me they spurred an insecurity that has been my soul mate all my life. Every time I look in the mirror I think of their words. Every time I get my hair cut I remember what they said. I am sure everyone has heard the childhood rhyme.. " Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." It is WRONG. It is a lie. Words do hurt. They are so powerful. They can tear people down or they can build them up. They can cure someone or curse them. Choosing words carefully has become an important way of life for me. I watch what I say so I don't inflict pain. I want my kids to think before they speak as well. Words are a tool. They can build things or they can tear things down.