It is so easy as a parent to look at our kids and marvel in all the things we see that are beautiful. All the things that we helped to create. We see the dimple from Uncle Bob and the blue eyes from Grandma. We embrace the giggle we hear that echos our own and fall in love all over again when we see the smallest expression that resembles their Daddy's. Seeing all that is good fills you with a warm liquid sunshiny feeling from head to toes. It is beautiful and wonderful and entirely engulfing. The connection created between two people is a living breathing person all on their own.
The hard part comes when you realize you must also deal with those things that might not be so beautiful. Through tears we see our kids face things that they shouldn't have to. Things that we blame ourselves for and question ourselves about. Glitches that seemingly appear out of no where. Crooked teeth or allergies. Illnesses or difficulties in school. Obscure personality traits that can be traced straight back to ourselves. Was there something that we did to cause these things or something we could have done to prevent them? Those questions replay in our minds over and over and there is never a real answer. Simply the empty feeling of if only.
The fact is there is no magic petri dish we can spin around and separate the good of us from the bad when having a child. We are who we are, both the best things and the worst. In the end those things fade into each other and everything blends together into one unique individual. There is no strength without weakness just as there is no happiness without sadness.