Parenting 101

I hate being confronted with a parenting issue mid chaotic situation. I don't like having to make those kinds of decisions 1)on my own 2) quickly and 3)in front of my three kids. I take my girls to the pediatricians office rarely. They are healthy and have only been on antibiotics a handful of times and have had no major issues. I took all three in today for the flu mist and at the same time my oldest, Caroline, needed a well child visit and several booster shots. Let me first say I have put off taking her over the past few years because of her intense fear of needles. I shouldn't have but I did. As much for myself as for her. Finally I figured I would kill two birds with one stone and take them all for the flu stuff and to get her all caught up on her vaccinations. I knew the whole thing was going drastically wrong when during my ELEVEN year olds routine exam the word shot was mentioned and she started hyperventilating and crying. The Dr. was actually really good with her and talked to her in an adult way and calmed her down. When rewinding the whole visit I realize NOW that the whole thing could have been easily prevented IF the Dr. had just given her the shots then. Instead we had to sit and wait for a while between her exam and the nurse coming in to give the mist and the shots. The nurse came in gruff and pointy. My two younger girls were arguing about who got to go first to get the mist. She said it doesn't matter and threw a tissue and one of them and quickly shoved the syringe up and said BREATH IN! Then did the same to the other one. Meanwhile Caroline had time to build everything up inside and was in total panic mode. As the nurse came toward her with the nose syringe she totally lost it. Hyperventilating, coughing crying. The nurse grabbed her by the arm and shoved the syringe in her nose and yelled at her to BREATH IN. What happened next keeps happening again and again in my head in slow motion. More importantly how I handled it vs how I should have handled it is in high definition and theater sound. The nurse took the cap off the needle and stood there with it in the air. Caroline took one look and started trying to fall away from where the needle was toward the floor. I grabbed her and tried to reason with her while the nurse began to YELL at her and tell her that she needed to hurry up and get over there because she had other people she needed to go give shots too. By then we got one shot done and Caroline was screaming about how badly it hurt and the nurse started yelling that it only hurt because Caroline kept moving around and not acting her age or standing still. The entire time all this was going on Amelia was sitting to the side with her hands over her ears shrieking at the top of her lungs. I had the words formulated in my head of what I wanted...no felt I needed to say to that nurse but I couldn't say any of it. I wanted to tell her that she works in a pediatrician's office and that although my child isn't a baby or toddler she is still a kid with a fear. I wanted to say that she could have handled it better and been more gentle and persuasive. But the other side of my brain was saying loudly in my ear "hey your kid was being a major asshole...she was embarrassing and ridiculous and if you say something to the nurse about her inappropriate behavior in front of Caroline then she will feel justified in her actions." So there I was once again in that parenting no mans land that calls for a quick decision and once again I left feeling like I hadn't been my child's advocate. Why is being a parent like one giant game of Battleship where I end up feeling like the ship that sank into the dark cold water??