Sunday, June 28, 2009

Not Me Monday!

Joining in with the blog carnival over at My Charming Kids with Not ME Monday! It is fun and therapeutic! Join in!

When I told Amelia to apologize for hitting her sister she could never have said ," I am saying I am sorry inside my head but I am NEVER going to say it out loud."

I could never have signed Amelia up for camp at the last minute just so I have a few hours of kid free time this week..nope not ME!

I could never have woken up at 6 am every single day the past week and that certainly wasn't at LEAST 2 hours before any of my children thought about rolling out of bed..that could never have happened!!

I absolutely did not turn a pair of running socks inside out and wear them a second time..that would have been nasty and way too stinky!!

I certainly didn't send Chris off to the neighborhood fireworks with all three kids while I hid in my air conditioned house watching 48 hours mystery..nope no way that happened!!

I could never have finally broken down and bought an expensive heart rate monitor running watch only to use it once and find out you actually have to stand perfectly still to use it...that would be silly!! I didn't make Chris take it back to Target and I certainly didn't have to dig through the garbage to find the packaging AND the receipt...

I did NOT feel annoyed from all the whining on the way home from picking all three girls up at camp and threaten to turn around and leave them there overnight even though it is a day camp....nope not me.

I am not strongly considering "forgetting" to water all my hanging baskets for a few days so they die and I don't have to ever water them again..that would be wrong and a huge waste of money.

There is no way I saw a lady at the pool wearing a bikini that made me say to myself HEY if she can wear a bikini then I certainly can! NOPE not me. Although I (for real) would NEVER EVER wear one.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Overworked. Underpaid.

While I was scrubbing the toilet the other day I was thinking about all the things things that I do behind the scenes that are unnoticed. Things that as a child I never even knew existed yet now I realize my mom must have done them. All those things that you had no clue even needed to be done until you moved to your first apartment and all of a sudden were responsible for your own filth. I know that I am privileged to be able to stay home with my kids while Chris has to slave away at work every day. That being said I also think that my job is all day every day with no quiet lunch break, rare opportunity for adult interaction, no ability to get promoted and no monetary bonuses. I realize that from 8-5 I am working my "job" just as Chris is working his. But after 5 pm and before 8 am the house work and kid duties should be split 50/50. When both parents work full time outside the home I think that the workload of cleaning and kids definitely needs to be a team effort. Why should mom be the one to get up at night if someone wakes with a bad dream?? Why should mom have to load the dishwasher every evening? The house and the kids were a joint deal to begin with and are surely not the responsibility of one partner over another. Far too often women feel that the money coming into the house isn't really their money since they didn't technically earn it...Well I am here to say that staying at home is surely not a bed of roses and definitely gives both parents equal hold and ownership of the finances.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Trying to Beat the Heat

If I shut my eyes and feel the heavy humid heat of the day and the bright sun shining on my cheeks I slip seamlessly back to the summer before I turned 17. This was the summer that mattered. It was the summer Chris and I made so many promises to each other. This was the summer before Chris left for Russia for a month. To two 16 year olds a month was a lifetime. We would walk for hours and talk about the future and how we would survive away from each other for so many days. We promised to write letters to each other and to not lose the magic of our young love. I don't remember much else about that summer but he and I. Everyone else was blocked out of our tunnel vision. We did write letters to each other and when he came back we did fall back into our story in the same place we had left off. Now more then 15 years later I look back and remember the all those imaginary plans we had for our hoped for future. Surprisingly so many of them have actually fallen into place. We still talk for hours and we still make plans for our future. I still feel sad when he has to travel and fluttery when he is coming home from a trip. Every time I start to hate the blazing heat of summer I stop and shut my eyes and remember that summer and I find that the place that is the warmest is my heart.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Shuck that Shell

I think it is sometimes easy to prejudge people by first impressions but when you really think about it there is just so much more. I was always so deep inside my shell that everyone thought I was snobby and self righteous but in reality I was just super duper shy and lacked confidence and self esteem. Inside that turtle shell I felt warm and comfy and without anxiety or pressure. The more time I spent inside the shell the harder it was to think about venturing out. The only problem was there was no room for anyone else in there so I was very lonely. Every time I would hear a word of gossip about me being stuck up it would push me farther in. As I got older and figured out a little more about who I was and what I wanted I began to loosen my grip on the inside of the shell and peek out. Eventually I found that it is easier to be on the outside then all alone on the inside. I guess what I am trying to say is that when you meet someone that you perceive as being snobby or untouchable it could be that they are in reality extremely shy and lonely. I remind myself of this often when I meet new people who come across as unfriendly and sometimes even downright rude. I try to use patience and not form an impression or judgement right away. I especially want my kids to give people a chance before judging because I know how it feels to be on the other side.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Middle of the Road.

Something that I find so important in my life is moderation. I try to remember that the world out there isn't black and white and that there is a lot of grey involved. I want my kids to understand this too and to embrace people that think in a different way then they do. Not to judge and scorn others who don't share in their thoughts and beliefs. This can apply to something as simple as being allowed to eat certain foods or drinks or to something as in depth as politics or religion. There have been plenty of times when I have been on a play date at McDonalds and the other mom looks down her nose at me because I let my child get sprite to drink. She will say something to the effect of OH we don't let our children drink pop it is bad for them. Yes if children only drank soda all day long and never had anything with nutritional value it might be bad but if it is consumed in moderation it is not any worse then juice or whole milk. Of course all of that is my opinion but that is OK because this is my blog :) The same issue comes up with sugary snacks and treats. Every single time the girls have one specific friend over they want to eat our snacks because they aren't allowed to have anything processed at their own house. This is an eating disorder waiting to happen. The child will eventually be independent and have to make their own food choices and in all probability they will chose the forbidden food.
Politics and religion are a little more touchy to deal with. I personally want my kids to make up their own minds about what they believe but I know plenty of parents that have brainwashed their children to believe only the political party or religious group that they are involved in. When your fourth grade child is telling mine that if Obama is elected president then babies will be thrown in fires and the war will move the US then you are not doing your job as a parent. When I was young I remember one person telling me point blank that because I didn't go to church that I was going to go to hell. It didn't matter that I was a good person or that I was a good citizen only that I didn't attend church. Luckily my parents had provided me with a broad span of information and I knew that this was an opinion rather then a proven fact.
I feel like adults are so caught up in what they feel they have to preach to their children that they don't stop to realize that becoming a little more middle of the road might be a great benefit. Who knows your child might even be able to see both sides of the story and use compromise as a way to resolve conflict.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

The Sights of Summer


Skinned knees

Ice cream stained shirts

Wet bathing suits

Rosy cheeks

Bare toes and dirty feet

Lemonade stands

Cars with the top down

Lightning bugs captured in a jar

Bonfires and lazy nights

Droopy eyed tots ready for sleep

Handholding and wine


Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Evolution of a Runner

The choice to start running was more of a whim or a joke then an actual choice. I told my friend Heather that we were going to run a marathon this year and it sort of exploded from there. I had never run more then a few steps when I started. I thought I would outline the exciting evolution from out of breath flab to toned and fab.
In the beginning:
Lots of gasping for air and groaning over injuries. Long t shirts to cover my butt in the tight yoga pants. Frustration over hitting a plateau and feeling like we would never make it to the 3 miles. Lots of ice packs and wine to make it through the knee pain.
The next step:
Getting fitted for real running shoes! Signing up for a 1/2 marathon in October. Adding a new running buddy to our group to make us a trio and naming ourselves the Rookie Runners. Starting to time our runs and keep track of heart rate and calories burned (= how much ice cream, wine, chips etc we could eat) Buying some real runner's wear and actually wearing it. Running our first 5K (and without stopping I might add)!!
Getting really serious!:
Buying a hat to run in (and seriously anyone who knows me knows I hate hats so I must be dedicated). We added one more buddy to our group to make us an even and fabulous foursome. Started to follow a week by week training plan for the 1/2 marathon which includes speed training, treadmill work (which I despise) and LONG runs on Saturdays. We completed our second 5K and even took a minute off of our previous time.
The hidden benefit:
The other day I looked down and saw something I had only dreamed of on my leg. A real honest to goodness muscle. I even had to reach down and touch it to make sure it wasn't a mirage. I started to look at my arms and my stomach too and I am sure my jaw was on the floor. While focusing on adding distance and taking time off each run I totally missed the fact that I am now in,by far,the best shape I have ever been in.
I am totally and completely in love with running and totally and completely addicted to it too. I am both proud and surprised by the dedication and perseverance that we have all shown over the last few months and I certainly hope we can continue past our goal of the 1/2 marathon and on to our next hurdle and beyond.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Not ME Monday!

Joining in with My Charming Kids and the free therapy blog carnival Not Me Monday!

Amelia never could have said,"I peed in your hot tub" to our neighbor and she could never have had a huge grin on her face when she said it.

I could never have sold a 400$ bike trailer for 40$ at a garage sale just to get it OUT of my garage

I definitely am not considering signing the girls up for more camps if they say they are bored one more stinkin' time

I did NOT run a 5k and cut a solid minute off my time nope not me!

I certainly didn't cry four times in one day over insignificant things especially since I usually don't cry four times in a whole YEAR.

There are definitely not several of my "friends" on Facebook that I would like to reach through the screen and choke over comments they make...absolutely not! I have certainly NOT considered deleting them as friends but kept them for comic relief nope not ME!

One of my cats could never have peed on my plush shag rug in my family room right in front of me and I certainly am NOT trying my hardest to clean and sanitize it so I don't have to throw it in the trash...definitely NOT.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

One is Silver the Other is Gold.

As you move across your life you pick up people on the way that end up being an integral part of who you become and what you stand for. I have friends from years ago that I met over crayons and play dough that will always have a piece of my heart and a place in my life. I have friends that I met a little later in the depths of dorms and professors that found their own place in my heart. When I got out of college and had kids I honestly thought my true friend making days were over. I guess it is closed minded of me but I figured those days were over. I could not have been more wrong. I have acquired some of my most favorite people in the last few years. Some were quick and immediate friendships that seemed to be deemed by fate. Others started out slow but have evolved into something I appreciate and need. Each one has the ability to make me smile, cry and laugh. In a world so full of despair and uncertainty I relish in the fact that I have people who would be there to celebrate with me over the joys of life. I also find it comforting that I would have support in the face of hardship or sadness. Silver or gold, old or new I think friends are the glue that holds my sanity together, my voice of reason in the face of conflict, my confidence builders and my all around champions.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

On Thin Ice.

The last few weeks are finally catching up to me. I feel like I am skating on very thin ice. I am stressed, anxious and just an all around grump. I feel like I am at the absolute end of being able to function in a normal "Beth" sort of way. Like at any moment I am going to say or do something so wrong I won't be able to take it back or fix it. It is like when you start out having to carry one really heavy seems easy and totally conceivable that you can carry it. Then you add another and another and you are trying to adjust yourself to carry them all with out dropping them on your foot. Seems like I have had a lot of those stress bricks lately and I am ready for it to STOP before they tumble on to my foot or someone else's and cause pain and misery. I am trying to find it in me to take things with a grain of salt and laugh off the stress but it is getting harder and harder. I hope this weekend I might be able to regroup and set all the bricks down go I can regain my usual abilty to enjoy the challenges of life.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Not Me Monday!

Joining in once again with the blog carnival over at My Charming Kids with Not Me Monday! Join in for some free therapy!

Amelia could never have learned to ride without training wheels in ONE lesson that would be crazy!

I definitely didn't bribe my dad with a dozen Krispy Kremes to come watch the girls so I could go run EIGHT miles. I certainly would never have actually run eight whole miles and then come home and eaten the last remaining donut..nope NOT me!

Chris didn't get home from an 8 day trip to Europe only to have to leave again this week ..absolutely NOT.

The first 3 days of summer could NEVER have seemed like the WHOLE 3 months of summer nope, certainly NOT.

My cat does NOT have an odd obsession with barbie hats and Polly pocket purses and he definitely doesn't bring them to me to throw for way! that would be way to weird!

My parents could never have put my childhood home up for sale and there is not possible way they had 10+ showings the first week ...sob...NOPE didn't happen.

I would never have to tell my five year old to turn her underwear around 3 days in a row and she never could have answered , with a straight face, "why mom ??I like them like this",as she turned around and showed me the mini thong she was sporting.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

A Sucky Day!

Do you hear that sound??? Listen really really close and you will hear is the sound of my children sucking the life out of me. In all seriousness there really are days I feel like I gave up so many things to devote my time and energy to my kids but I am getting nothing in return. I willingly chose to give up a career that included adult conversation and personal time for motherhood. Lots of days I am proud of this decision because I have the pleasure of being there to kiss their boo boos, wipe their noses and listen to their laughter. Some days it seems like I made the wrong choice. Especially on the days when Amelia is whiny and defiant, Olivia is jealous and crying and Caroline is all knowing and argumentative. On these days I find myself wondering about my before life and who I was when I was just me without the extra three appendages. When I wanted to go out to dinner or a movie I could just go without a second thought. When I wanted to spend an hour on my hair and an hour on my makeup I could. I see the selfishness and immaturity in all this and I also realize that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I totally feel privileged to be able to stay home with my kids and I know that as they get older there will be many things I can provide for them. There will be questions about boys and dates and makeup and parties. My hope is that as the girls get older and need me less for the fundamental things I will edge back and recapture some of the old me. In the end the person that I will be is a mix of every stage of my life and every stuggle will make me a stronger and more thankful for what I have.