Not ME Monday!

Joining in with the blog carnival over at My Charming Kids with NOT ME Monday! Join in for some free therapy!!



I could never have pushed Chris in the neighbors pool with his clothes on...NOPE not me and he certainly didn't have his precious iPhone in his pocket either! He did NOT say a few choice words one of which was promptly repeated by our 5 year old. NOPE didn't happen. There was absolutely NO alcohol involved in the incident...nope not even a drop.

Amelia could never have taken a bite of a new kind of ice cream cone and said super loud, inside the ice cream shop "OOOOHHH this tastes like DOG POOP...EWWWWW!!" That would have been rude and no kid of mine would even think of saying that!

Chris did NOT leave for eight days in Europe leaving me home with 3 kids! AND those 3 kids certainly can't be done with school Tuesday! NOPE defiantly NOT.

Olivia certainly didn't pull TWO sweatshirts and a winter jacket out of her backpack when I asked her why it was so heavy AND she defiantly hasn't had them in there since winter break..nope that would have been silly!

Amelia didn't wake me up on a Sunday at 7am asking me if cats have belly buttons...NOPE not ME!

My baby could NEVER have finished her very last day of preschool and told me she is all ready for the school bus and the BIG school...nope ...sob sob...could never ..sob...have happened!

I did not buy a pair of shorts in a smaller size and sit and have a stare off with them for 10 minutes before I actually tried them on...that would have been immature and silly!

I certainly DO NOT think the next week might be the LONGEST of my entire life..nope not ME!

Distances of the Heart

Sometimes a short distance means a great deal. Like today I ran over 5 miles. To me that is a huge distance. In October I am signed up to run a 1/2 marathon and that is 13.1 miles. That sounds insurmountable at the moment. Then I think about the fact that Chris is over 3000 miles away right now in London and 13 miles doesn't seem so far. In reality it is all about mind over matter. I know my body can run 13.1 miles I just have to give it a pep talk and make it happen. I know I can survive a week with Chris so far away I just have to remember our unshakable connection that outlasts oceans and time zones (well that and all the Poptarts, wine and Capn' Crunch I will consume to balance the stress). I have to try and enjoy the final few days of school for the girls since this time can never be turned back and redone. I have to take lots of pictures and document how far each of them has come in the past 9 months. I have to remember that their dad missing all this isn't the end of the world and that there will be other last days of school in the not so distant future. Distance is all relative to where you are coming from and where you are going in the future. I hope no matter what, I can travel the path with a positive mind and a happy heart.

Schools Out for the Summer!

With school coming to a rapid close I told Chris we need to sit down tonight and get a list of summer time rules together. I want to present them to the kids with a united front at a special dinner artfully disguised as a celebratory end of school meal. I thought I would share with you my own preliminary list.

1) Standing outside Dad's office door and having an argument is strictly forbidden unless I am mad at him..then it is strongly encouraged.

2) Leaving a trail of snack wrappers throughout the house is not allowed unless it is to mark a path back inside from the yard that will be used only when it gets dark and leads straight to your bed.

3) Saying mean or nasty words is not acceptable unless you lock yourself in the bathroom to say them.

4) Listening to music or the TV too loud is against the rules unless it is drowning out fighting or whining.

5) Lights out at 9:30 unless the kids in the neighborhood are out playing, there is a good TV show on or you are involved in a good book.

6) Complete your chores before playtime even though in all likelihood I will go back and redo each of them up to my specifications.

7) Don't beg for play dates unless you are willing to make your room as clean as I want it to be.

8) Realize that I will not buy one more Justice or Aeropostle shirt unless you learn to do your own laundry AND put it all away.

9) When I say it is OK to get a healthy snack don't kid yourself into believing I mean potato chips or Oreo's.

10)Hitting, hissing at and pinching your sisters is not acceptable unless it is part of a show that I am watching while sipping my favorite cocktail.


Wonder if Chris will make me edit this list.....

Modern Day Pen Pals

The weekend seemed to last forever yet was not nearly long enough. We had friends come into town from Wisconsin for a few days and I have been anticipating the visit for months. I have to give a back story on how I met my friend Heidi.
6 years ago when I was pregnant with my third child I joined a mommy message board on the computer. I met lots of really interesting people but there was one that was really intriguing. She was due with her second child within a week of when I was due. We ended up exchanging email addresses and became cyber pen pals for the last 5 years. At first we emailed daily and then it became many times a day. Then came instant messaging. We would email during the day when she was at work and IM at night. Eventually we talked for a few minutes once on the phone but to this day we have only spoken a handful of times over the phone. Last year Chris and I took a trip to Wisconsin to visit she and her husband (and to make sure she was not a middle aged fat guy). When I first met her we hugged and immediately I felt like connected. We had a fabulous time and I was so sad to leave. This weekend when we met face to face she brought her kids and got to meet mine. Everyone got along great and I still felt that unmistakable connection. I really feel like she is a part of my family, someone I will always know and always care about. She is one of those people that just gets me and accepts me warts and all. In this world where true friends are few and far between I am so happy I found my Heidi.

Random Picture Challenge..better late then never :)

Playing along with 4 little mean and girly twins and doing the random picture challenge! This week it is your August 2008 folder picture 16.
This picture is of Caroline. We were on a trip to Lake Cumberland and doing lots of fun jet skiing, tubing and boating! The look on her face sort of sums up our whole trip! FUN!

Puzzled

You know those moments that hit you hard with an emotion but seem to be silly at the time? Well I had one of those moments today. I always think of my life as a jigsaw puzzle..one of those huge ones that takes years and years to complete (hopefully LOTS of years). The outside pieces are the ones that are easy to piece together and represent the monumental moments in our lives that we know are bound to make things change. Things like weddings, births and deaths make up the frame part. The inner part is made up of those little moments that evoke a huge amount of emotion and definitely make an impression in your mind but you just aren't sure where they will fit into your life puzzle when they happen. Sometimes it takes months or years before you can figure out precisely where those inside pieces fit and what they represent. Today I was talking to Amelia before I took her to school. She was asking how many days of school she had left and I told her six. When I dropped her off she ran out with a group of friends with a big smile, talking and giggling and hardly looked back at me. In that instant it flashed before me that she does only have SIX days of preschool left. She will ride the big bus next year and go to the big school next year. No more mac and cheese and Sesame Street at lunch time and no more babies for me. I am not one to cry, ask anyone who even half way knows me, but this morning I did shed a few tears as I drove out of the school lot. I thought about how this snapshot of Amelia will fit into my puzzle. What will change for me in the fall when all three of my girls are in school? More importantly will those changes effect the rest of my life and what will my puzzle look like when it is complete.

Not Me Monday!

Joining in with MckMama over at My Charming Kids with the Monday tradition of Not Me Monday!

Join in! It is great free therapy!



Amelia could NEVER have yelled Dammit at her sister's soccer game and certainly didn't repeat it when I asked her WHAT she said...NOPE not my five year old!

I did NOT have a little too much cheap red wine at my sisters and I certainly didn't have to text Chris to come pick me up that would be just silly and immature.

There is no way that I have become addicted to the iced coffee at McDonald's nope not me...I absolutely did not have to get one every single day last week that would be ridiculous!


I didn't let Amelia wear a dress up outfit to her sister's soccer game and soccer party just because I thought she looked so stinkin' cute..that would have been silly!

I certainly did NOT yell and cheer so loud at 2 soccer games that my throat hurt and I made a baby cry..nope NOT me!

I could never have let my kids stay up super late and eat lots of sugar just so I had a chance to talk to my neighbors...nope NEVER!

I am definitely NOT counting down the hours until my friend visits for the weekend ..nope NOT me!

There is no way I am sad that Chris is gone ALL week ...NOPE.

Random Picture Challenge!

Joining in with 4 little men and girly twins for the Saturday Picture Challenge.

The challenge is to find your September 2008 folder (or 9th picture folder) and the 18th picture!

This is a picture of Olivia on her first day of second grade. She is already on the bus and ready to go! Time goes so fast...in just two weeks she will be done with school and ready to move on to third grade!

Mommy Guilt to the Millionth Degree

You know those moments where you want to crawl in a hole and hide?? Well I had one of those moments this week. Olivia has been begging and pleading for glasses for months. She has gone to far as to purchase fake glasses and wear them around. The last two weeks she had started complaining of headaches so I decided to humor her and make an eye appointment. Well when I took her in and the Dr. started examining her I could feel my heart sinking. It was really clear that she was NOT passing with flying colors. At the end of the exam the Dr. turned to me and told me that Olivia needs glasses and that her eye muscles were competing with each other to focus ... at that point I sort of blocked out the rest she said because I was so shocked. On the other hand Olivia was bursting with glee..she was so happy and said, "I told you I needed glasses mom!" Then she smiled and picked out some bright purple glasses. If it was just the glasses I would not feel like such a terrible mother but there is more to the story. Olivia has been having some difficulties with her reading and spelling in the past few months and has fallen behind her class. We just had a meeting with her teacher a few days before the eye exam and discussed tutoring this summer. Now I question whether some of her trouble stems from the inability to SEE. What if I had taken her months ago when she started asking me for glasses?? I just keep thinking of her struggling to focus on the words at school and trying to compensate for her shortcoming. Definitely NOT my shining moment as a mom. Guilt is making it hard for ME to see at this point. I know in the long run she won't be pointing at me at her high school graduation saying "it is HER fault that I fell behind in second grade" although the nightmares I have had tell me she will.

Not ME Monday!

Joining in with MckMama over at My Charming Kids in the free therapy session NOT ME MONDAY! Join in! It feels great!



There is no way that in one morning I was awoken at 3am by Amelia coming in my bed, 4am by Chris's alarm to get up to catch a flight, 5am the automated school call for a fog delay and 6am Amelia waking up to tell me she peed in MY bed...that would have been too much for any one person to take!

I certainly didn't sit through a 4th grade strings concert pretending to listen while thinking about totally different things and forget to clap at the appropriate times..NOPE not me!

I could never have figured out what my Mothers day gift was before I got it...that would have been totally UNLIKE me!

Amelia certainly did NOT craft a Mother's day gift for me in her bed when she was supposed to be sleeping...and it was NOT 2 water bottle caps, a barbie surf board, ruby slippers and a penny all on top of a baby doll highchair tray..NOPE that would have been way too cute :)



I did NOT make Chris go meet with Olivia's teacher simply because I did not feel like dealing with her...absolutely NOT ME!

I am not starting to have an anxiety attack extraordinaire over the fact that there are only 3 weeks of school left that would be silly and uncalled for!

Random Picture Challenge!

Joining in with the Random Picture Challenge over at 4 little men and girly twins. The challenge is to go to your July 2004 folder and your 22nd picture.
This is a picture of me holding Amelia who would have been 4 months old. I am thinking by the way she is dressed it is the 4th of July but for some reason I can't remember! I love looking at her chubby hands and cheeks...now that she is FIVE and headed to kindergarten in the fall the baby days are fading quickly away.

Motherhood as I see it.

The fantasy of Motherhood started for me 10 years ago when I had my first little bundle of joy. The reality started the very next day when we took her home. The poop and pee and midnight feedings were like slaps in the face but what was even more sobering was the realization that I (and I suppose my husband too) was responsible for this person. Responsible for their safety, responsible for teaching them every thing they need to know to be a good person and my case, with three girls, shaping them into good Mothers one day. The most important thing I think I have learned is that you can't be a Mom and a friend to your child. What they are yearning for is an adult that is setting rules and giving them the support and information they need on their journey through childhood. There is plenty of time later to be friends. Having kids can seem all consuming but it is so important to try and have a life outside the kids. What I mean by that is that being a Mom doesn't mean you can't have personal goals for yourself or that you can't have hobbies or friends. It also doesn't mean that the kids should come before your relationship with your husband (I already covered my thoughts on that in an earlier post here if you want to read). I love my children and I make sure that they know that I do but there is certainly a difference between love and obsession.

As I move on to my second 10 years as a Mom I am sure I will be facing some unchartered territory and many new revalations. The job description keeps changing and morphing into a more complex task then I signed up for. I am keeping my eye on the prize though... a well adjusted independant adult who loves and respects me as a Mom and as a person!

Survivial of the Fittest

Have you ever seen a movie or read a book that described someone drowning and when people tried to swim out and to rescue them, the hysterical drowning person grabbed on to them and pulled them under water?? This vividly describes a friend of mine right now. She is drowning in her problems and lies and is pulling everyone close to her under water and making them part of her mess. It doesn't matter if the person is a friend or a sister or a mom or a dad, that person is being sacrificed so she can keep her head above water to just get enough breath to survive. She can't find her way out of the water but she has enough strength to preserve her own life at the expense of everyone around her. It makes me terribly sad to see this happen and I innately want to help but I am one of the ones that already tried that and drown. I won't try again. I can't. I have to think about my family and my survival. Relationships are never easy and they are even harder when you are always the one giving support but not ever receiving any. I have turned a blind eye over and over again in this situation because I want things to be different then they are but just because I want them to be and hope that they are does not make it happen. My heart is heavy and I still care but sometimes the only thing to do is to walk away.

Not Me Monday!

Joining in with Mckmama over at My Charming Kids with Not ME Monday! Join in for some free therapy!

There is no way we had 5 soccer games, 1 birthday party, gymnastics and a sport camp all last week that would be silly and insane.

I could never have gone to see the Hannah Montana movie with my daughters and actually enjoyed it. I would never have been able to sing along to every song and there is no possibility that I developed a serious crush on Hannah's boyfriend in the movie...NO WAY!

I did not run my very first 5K without stopping to walk even one step..nope not ME.

I could never have signed up for the 1/2 marathon in October because it happens to take place on my birthday and I think it is a sign. NOPE that would be ridiculous.

There is no way that one of our three INDOOR cats learned how to open the screen door to let our other two cats outside ..that would just be too weird and human like!

Amelia certainly didn't tell me I smelled like the cat box after I exercised and suggest I go take a shower quick before the cats decide to pee on me...absolutely NOT. She didn't say that she loved me even though I was really stinky either...nope!

I did NOT start to panic when I looked at the calendar and realized we only have a few short weeks of school left before we enter the land of no return! I certainly did not have to have a few tears over it either...NO WAY!

I could never have had to hide my eyes too many time to count while watching Amelia on the bars on the swing set and I certainly didn't verbalize my true fear of her breaking a bone sometime in the near future..nope not me!

Top Ten!

Top Ten reasons I hate strange and random May Day (s) that we don't have school:

10: Amelia waking up earlier then she does on normal school days, geting in my bed and puting her freezing feet on me while holding an unwilling clawing cat a little too close to my head.

9: The constant whining and bickering between the girls over things as simple as one of them glancing at the other.

8: Caroline begging for me to take her to the mall. or Justice. or Target.

7: Them thinking an extra day 0ff of school = treats and prizes.

6: Chris working from home. Keeping 3 kids quiet all day is not an easy task.

5: All the dishes in the sink from everyone home for lunch.

4: The fact that we have absolutely NOTHING planned today but tomorrow we have a 5K, a birthday party, and 2 soccer games.

3: The broken lamp.

2: The fact that is it pouring down rain so I can't just say "GO outside!"

AND the number 1 thing:

This is just a preview of what EVERY day will be like this summer ....EEEEKKKKKK!