Saturday, July 4, 2009

Independance Day?

While running this morning with two friends we were discussing how we still feel like we are in our early twenties in our heads (but in reality we are in our thirties and some of us later thirties). The problem with feeling so young is that the inadequacy and self confidence issues of our twenties are still beating so strongly inside. When we are teenagers we all want to rush time to get to our twenties so we can be independent. I remember when I was 22 and newly married and just starting my first full time job as a teacher. I was so unsure of myself and my choices as an adult that I would come home and cry a lot of days. I remember standing in front of my class and making choices for my student's education and then the voice in my head would taunt me and say are you sure about that??? I remember cooking dinner...ok burning dinner for my new husband and kicking myself for it. Now a days it is certainly not as bad as all that. I have grown in a lot of areas but I still wonder who waved the magic wand and made me an adult and in charge of 3 little girls and a house and pets and cars and schedules. Some days I just don't feel ready for the responsibility that comes a long with all those things. Some days the voice still speaks to me and all those self worth issues seem to rear their ugly heads. I wonder if all women have the same types of feelings inside or if it is just another quirk of mine. I have to believe that somewhere deep inside we are all second guessing ourselves in one area or another and no one is as confident as they might seem to be. So while discussing all of this during our run we concluded that instead of feeling inadequate and scrutinizing ourselves we should mark our accomplishments and celebrate them. Our 30 something minds decided this but somehow I wonder if our 20 something minds will let that happen.

1 comment:

Suzanne said...

Will we ever have our "Independance Day"?....I sure hope so!!