Veering Off Course

Sometimes I feel like I didn't sign up for this. When I got engaged and started planning a wedding and a life everything looked so simple and easy. I was full of optimism and ambition. I saw myself living in a big (clean) house with my 2.5 kids and my husband who got home at 5:30 every night. My husband always brought me flowers and we never fought in those visions. My kids always got straight A's and said please and thank you. Everything moved smoothly and happily and there were never any bumps or lumps. I certainly didn't sign up for the sassy mouths and the messy rooms. Nope. Didn't ask for Chris to travel endlessly or for all the hiccups our house has given us over the years. Of course now I realize that is just life. Even though most of my optimism has turned to sarcasm and my ambition has changed course I do realize I have gotten some really great stuff I didn't sign up for too. I could never have known the depth of love and connection I would feel for my children. How their tears would make my heart hurt and their laughter would make it smile. I certainly didn't realize how much my husbands support would mean to me through all the highs and lows. I also couldn't see that happiness without some anger and sadness just isn't as vibrant or real. So here I sit in my messy house so far off my intended course I could never in a million years find my way back. Sometimes going off course is the only true way to discover new things and find what you may have never even known you were looking for.