More funnies from my nephew

I had planned to blog about my 4th grader's violin concert. I figured it would be long and hideous since they aren't even using bows yet and it is all plucking. Ehhh it wasn't half bad! The worst part of the whole thing was having to get there 40 minutes before it started to get a seat (the parents at our elementary are very involved to say the least).

So I have to go to plan B for my blog tonight. My Sister had me laughing so hard today I was crying. My nephew Owen who turned 5 in September always cracks me up.

Today at breakfast he was reaching for his juice glass and he made a terrible face and said "EEWWWW!" My sister said "Is something wrong with the juice???" He said "NO mom when I moved I could smell my bottom." My sister was like OH DEAR. What do you even say to that???

Then she went on to tell me that she was putting together a gift for Nick's teacher's (my other cuter then pie nephew) and telling Owen that they needed to figure out a Christmas gift for his teachers. He ran into my sisters room and a few minutes later came out holding one of her 3 inch high dress heels and said I want to give these to my teachers...ummm ok those are the shoes my sister and I affectionately call "hooker" shoes and his teachers are old and when I say OLD I mean Chris had one of them as a preschool teacher 30+ years ago.. the image of them walking around in these shoes seriously is enough to make me pee my pants with laughter!!

After much crying and discussing she finally got Owen to agree to gift cards for his teachers insted of the hooker shoes. Whhheeww!

NOT me Monday!

A tradition I discovered on my favorite blog: www.mycharmingkids.com

Ready Set GO!

Earlier this week there is no way I decided it was just easier to wear the clothes I slept in and slick my hair back even when I actually had to go out and take Caroline to the pediatrician for a sore throat. I could never have told the nurse to just hurry up and swab her throat instead of trying to rationally talk her into not crying about the HUGE Q-tip thing coming at her.
I certainly could never have laid on the couch ALL day Saturday feeling like I was ready to die at any minute with the terrible virus the kids gave me. I could never have let Chris take all the kids to Frosty's gift shop at school and then to lunch and Sam's club while I slept and watched HGTV all day long. NO WAY. I wouldn't have had 3 glasses of wine to try and numb the burning in my throat while he did laundry and bathed the kids ..nope not in a trillion years.
The cat could never have climbed on the counter and found a loaf of bread and eaten straight through the plastic so he could pull out a few slices. NO sane cat could do a thing like that. Better yet I did NOT just throw those slices away and stick the rest of the loaf in the fridge for the week. NOPE not me.
I did not wake up 10 minutes after the alarm and say a silent prayer that the roads were icy enough for a 2 hour delay so we could all sleep in but NOT icy enough to close school for the day. NO way when I realized it was fine out did I try to let Amelia sleep in but wake the other two girls for school.
I surely didn't take Amelia shopping and bribe her to keep her mouth shut about my Christmas purchases by buying her a lollipop AND a Happy Meal on the way home...that would not be good mothering..absolutely NOT.

glass half full

Trying to keep a positive outlook on things lately. Instead of seeing Caroline as mouthy I am thinking of calling her expressive. Instead of thinking of Olivia as whiny I will call her emotionally in tune. Instead of calling Amelia a monster I will say she is highly spirited and overly intelligent. Instead of being sad Chris has to leave for a few days I am going to remember the old adage of absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Instead of being anxious and stressed about the holidays I am going to be jolly and excited!
Instead of thinking of all the calories I am consuming I am going to relish the wonderful flavor of the holiday treats. Instead of wondering which appliance will die next I am enjoying my warm DRY clothes after a week with NO dryer.
I could go on and on but I won't because it depresses me.

The smells of the season

I love this story. Even though it isn't my story I am going to tell it anyhow.
My sister and my nephew were driving somewhere and discussing the wonderful smells of the season. My sister said she loved the smell of cookies baking and peppermint sticks. My nephew looked at her and said "Mom I love the smell of Lego."
My nephew,Owen, is obsessed with Lego's. He loves them with a passion. He opened up every window of his LEGO advent calendar because he simply could not stand NOT seeing what was inside and putting them together.
Five year old boys crack me up. If I had a five year old boy I doubt I would find it as funny. I know that I don't think anything having to do with girly Barbies or American Girl Dolls is funny because I must live and breath those things constantly. Maybe I need a boy??

To Caroline's 4th grade teachers:

So it is the holidays and we have joyous family activities to enjoy and school concerts and plays to attend. We have baking to do and shopping, visiting Santa and watching the snow. On top of all of that for some reason now Caroline has an elaborate project assigned TODAY due December 18th. WHY would a teacher do that to a fourth grader (AND HER MOTHER) ??? I seriously don't get the reasoning behind it. Assign it in January when NOTHING is going on....assign it in February when NOTHING is going on. PLEASE don't assign a huge assignment in DECEMBER when there is something going on EVERY single night of the week and double time on the weekend.
It isn't like I am an amateur here. I was a teacher. I get that there is a curriculum and a schedule. I get that the kids have to do these in depth projects. I just don't get why they have to do them during such a busy month.

** this is dedicated to my friend and fellow 4th grade mom Heather ****

Parental decisions

I really really hate having to decide some things as a parent. Way up on the list is deciding when a child is sick whether they need to go to the Dr. or not. I tend to wait longer then some and then feel guilty about it if it happens to be something a Dr. will actually treat.
A fever and a sore throat. Could be strep or the flu but it could be a virus. Right now 2 of my 3 may or may NOT need to see a Dr. Who makes the choice?? MOM. sigh. Sometimes I don't think I am up for the title.

Not Me Monday!

Time for the Monday confessions!

-NO way I got up at 5am on Thanksgiving to go to Meijer to try and get a great deal. I would never sacrifice sleep for a deal..not me!

-I would never hide the pumpkin bread my mom made in the back of the fridge so no one else would eat it..not in a million years :)

-It would not have been at all nice of me to absolutely dread and despise the day yesterday spent with Chris's relatives and I am sure it was terrible of me to use his phone to continually comment about the hideousness of it all on Facebook.

-Amelia could never have told her sister Olivia she hated her this morning because she copied her hair style and I could not have been laughing under my breath about it being an ultimate betrayal to copy a hairstyle at the age of 4.

-I did NOT bribe Amelia with a hot chocolate from Strabuckles to be good at a store this morning. I would never stoop to doing something like that.

-I certainly didn't just tell Amelia that if she didn't stop hugging the cat so tight that she would go to jail.