Eyes Wide Open

Fresh out of college I headed into teaching with an unbridled passion to make a difference in the world. I interviewed lots of places but ended up accepting an offer from a small rural distract with dilapidated buildings and lots of "everyone knows everyone" mentality. I had my eyes opened right a way to reality. My class was filled with impoverished kids that had dirty faces and ill fitting clothes. Many lived in one room apartments with sleeping bags on the floor as their beds. One little boy was stumbling around one day wincing with each step. I took off his two sizes too small shoe to find his bloody toes sticking through thread bare socks. My morning lessons were constantly interrupted by tiny tummies growling. I brought in cereal and milk to feed them but it was never enough. Once I caught a little boy sticking the cereal box in his backpack. When I asked him why he took it he told me to give some to his baby brother and mom. He said it in such a matter of fact way with no regret as if he had had to go to such drastic measures before. I won't forget the empty look in his eyes or the eruption of shivers that flew down my spine.

My own children have so much and I want them to know....NO I need them to know that there are children out there who face hunger and cold in their own homes. Kids who have to beg, borrow and steal just to survive each day. I want them to know that these are just kids like they are who have interests and personalities just like they do. Over the last eleven years that I have been a mom I have often wondered how those kids turned out. My short time with them had such a profound effect on me but I can't talk myself into thinking I made the same sort of impression on them.

Years ago when I went to my Principal and told him I was going to have a baby of my own and that I wasn't coming back to teaching he said something to me that will forever repeat in my head. He said that I am the kind of person that should have lots of kids. That I would spread to my own children the same type of integrity and positive spirit that I worked so hard to spread to my students. He said that he knew that any children of mine would grow up to make a positive impression on the world. Now my eyes are wide open to the evils of the world and I think of his words often and I spend a lot of time hoping he was right.