The Chosen One

Let me preface this by saying that I love all three of my children to the depth of my soul and center of my being. They are all three beautiful, intelligent and special.

You know how it is as kids grown into new ages and stages and there are some you like better then others?? I have to say that if I was asked at any given moment who my favorite child is there might be a different answer. Sometimes I think Amelia is just the cutest most adorable smartest 5 year old. Other times I find her voice to be like nails on a chalk board and her shrill laugh sounds like the Devil himself. Sometimes I find Olivia's sensitive unique outlook to be an endearing quality. Other times I want to cover my ears so I can't hear the whining and crying and go running in the opposite direction. Sometimes I think Caroline's need to describe every single minute of her day to be cute and grown up . Other times the incessant jabbering makes me want to saw my ears off. I guess what I am trying to say is I have favorite parts of each of their personalities and when they are letting that part shine through then they are by far the chosen one. That might last a minute or a day or even a week but eventually they will fall away from the spotlight and another sister will pop in. Each enjoys their reign as queen. I think this is the quintessential lesson in sharing..don't you?

Not Me Monday!

Joining in with Mckmama over at My Charming Kids with Not ME Monday! Come along for the ride!

My five year old certainly did NOT take her bike for a ride without asking and go knocking on neighbors doors telling her friends to come for a sleepover. She absolutely did not get in huge trouble and have to go apologize.

I definitely did not run 15 whole miles. I could never have run the whole way imagining all the food that I would eat..nope that would have been counter productive.

I could never have finally gotten my diamond anniversary band back from the jeweler after a month and I certainly didn't spend the rest of the day staring at it sparkle in the sunlight.

I could never have gone to a volleyball game and two soccer games all in one day and all three teams certainly didn't lose.

There is no way we got new wood floors on the first floor of our house and it is impossible that I found a few mistakes. I could never have pointed out the mistakes to Chris and then gone and hid in my car so he could deal with the floor guys because I can't deal with confrontation..no way that would have been immature and silly.

I did NOT have a blog follower drop me after I posted my opinion of the whole Obama speaking in the schools thing...no way that people could be that narrow minded. I could never have felt horrible about her dropping me even though I don't really agree with much of what she says anyway.

We could never have run totally out of toilet paper and have to move on to tissues and I certainly didn't get tell the girls to only use half so we could make it one more day before I had to go to the store...nope that would have been lazy and unmotherly.

I haven't had insomnia over the last week thinking about 9/11 and remembering all the details of that day and I certainly haven't woken in a cold sweat in a panic ...nope not ME!

9/11

Every year during this second week of September a dark shadow creeps into my heart. The sounds of planes overhead brings a shiver to my spine and my thoughts drift back to eight years ago. The sheer panic and immediate pain we as a nation felt was so profound and enveloping it hard to remember that there was a carefree time before. I remember the exact moment on that day that I knew nothing would ever be the same. I was holding my 11 month old and trying to get my 3 year old ready for her very first day of preschool. The phone rang and my dad told me to turn on the TV. At that second in time the loud chaos around me turned to a whirring and I had to sit down. It wasn't clear yet exactly what was happening or why but it was clear it was tragic and life changing. As the morning went on and the rest of the horrific reality unfolded in front of the world it was quite clear that this was not just a horrible accident but a purposeful act of a despicable group of people. In the days and months that followed that terrible day my thoughts turned to the people left behind that had to live the rest of their lives impacted by those acts. I can't imagine their pain but what seems to surprise me more is their courage. Many have used their own loss to make our nation a better place. Around this time of year I think it is so important for all of us to come together and show unity and strength. We must all support each other and not split apart and fight among ourselves. Weakness and uncertainty are what those secretly watching wanted and hoped for eight years ago. Instead we came together and made it through the crisis and came out the other side a more compassionate unified nation.

The Journey of a Pack Rat

For me inanimate objects represent memories of real life. Seeing a certain dress might bring back a fun time with friends. Drinking from a favorite mug and closing my eyes returns me to another place from years ago. With the memory comes feelings and emotions. Cleaning out a closet becomes a dreaded task because of all the memories lying in the piles of threadbare fabrics. The same 3 or 4 items make the cut every time I try to get past my pack rat tendencies. Even our newest project of taking out our old stained carpet and replacing it with fantastic new wood floors is giving me heart palpitations. Each stain and hole represents a family dinner or a beloved pet. The bright pink marker spot was like a thorn in my side reminding me every time I walked past of the time the girls got out of hand with the markers. Seeing the carpet disappear out the door made me realize that I now have no tangible thing to spur that memory or many others. The fresh, perfect wood will surely capture our memories in the future but for the moment it feels like a new member of the family naked as the day it was born.

Embrace the Future

If you are a planner then you have a spreadsheet in your mind for what the future is supposed be. Sometimes things fit neatly into the plan but most of the time life veers off the blueprint and things spin out of control. The new path is often necessary to gain the knowledge to help you find your true future. When you push past what the crystal ball predicted to the reality staring you in the face you realize that there are no predetermined events in the cosmos. The most important thing to remember is that the real future could be more awe-inspiring and exciting then you could even imagine.

On My Soap Box

I have such a bee in my bonnet today (is that even a real phrase??). Obama is going to make a speech to students addressing education specifically the importance of staying in school. A speech about education. Shown at school. To students. I say great...history in the making and exposure to political impact on education. Regardless of what political party I belong to or who I voted for I would be all for it. I like my kids to see different views and diverse people. I want them to have information and make up their own minds when they are old enough to vote. I really don't understand all I am seeing about pulling your kid out of school so they don't have to be forced to sit and watch Obama pushing propaganda and talking about abortion and religion. OK number one the speech is on EDUCATION. That is separate from abortion and religion as far as I know. Obama is not Hitler as far as I know. I just don't' get the parents that are taking their anger and aggression about the fact that Obama was elected president and turning it into a reason to stop their children from being able to be a part of something that will open the door for discussion. He is the President of the United States not the President of the Democrats. Our country elected him. Isn't anything that gives face-time to the importance of education a good thing?? Diversity makes the world go round folks and prejudice stops it in its tracks.

Focusing on Distraction

Too often lately I have felt like I am juggling so many hats in the air trying to decide which one to put on that I can't even see straight. I want to be the best mom I can be and the best friend and the best athlete and the best wife and on and on but in the midst of trying to be all of these things I don't think I am doing my best at any of them. My focus is fragmented and everything seems blurry and my mind flips from one thing to another. It is what I imagine having attention deficient disorder might be like. The other thing that is starting to frustrate me about myself is that if I don't feel like I am doing something to a state of completeness and flawlessness then I would rather not do it at all. So basically at this point I am living in a state of discord with myself. The side effect of this seems to be the thing that is bothering me the most. I can't praise my kids without also throwing in something they need to improve on...it is like a sickness or something. My mouth opens and I gush words of praise but they are immediately cancelled out by words of what could be done better. This is obviously not my ideal parenting strategy. I want to breed confidence and independence. How do I pick the right hat and regain my focus?