All About the Editing

I wish everyone else had the copy of my life story that I have inside my head. It is written and illustrated with beautiful shiny bright pictures. It has the words "the end" on the final page. I have it memorized page by page and I embrace it. Too bad no one else can see it and keeps adding new material. I hate not having the certainty that I want to have for smooth and easy. I don't want a chapter added on the veins in my legs or the wrinkles around my eyes. I could do without that chapter about the glasses and braces and school frustration my girls have to muddle through. I didn't put that in the book and I wish I could make it go away. I want happy and fun and easy. I know that would make such a boring book but honestly I would take boring.

I am beginning to see that the truth is that we can't write that story. It has to write itself day by day through every trial and tribulation...every up and every down. There is no smooth and easy. The sun can't shine as bright without the storm that comes before. We all have to have chapters that aren't so easy to read to get to those that are full of excitement and true joy. Some days I want to skip ahead to the parts that aren't so hard to read but I think that would ruin the story. As hard as it is for my heart to accept some parts of my story I can see that it is what makes me me and mine mine.

As I forge forward I still have hope that the last chapter holds some truth no matter how twisted the path is to get there. That my life meant something to the characters in my story no matter how much editing was involved. That I make a mark that holds true to who I am and what I believe. That my children can read my story and know that I loved them and felt their pain as well as their happiness. That their impact on me was as much as my impact on them. Mostly I hope they can feel inspiration through me and my story.