Judge Mommy on the Case

Why is it that when a woman becomes a mom she feels she has earned the right to judge other moms? It seems like moms start making judgements about other moms making "bad" choices from the minute you hit the baby Gymboree class. When I say bad choices I am not talking about dangerous choices but things like whether to breastfeed or whether to let your child watch television before the age of two. Things like whether to put your child in daycare or to sign them up for tons of activities. You name it and there is certainly another mom out there ready to shame you for your choices. The judgement comes in many forms. Sometimes straightforward in a comment or a suggestion. Other times their distaste is easy to see by their frown or narrowed eyes. Often they whisper to a fellow judge as if you aren't even sitting there. If you work you should stay home. If you stay home ..what do you do all day?? why aren't you volunteering or why isn't your house as perfectly manicured as your nails?

I am certainly not an innocent party in all of this. I judge too. I try to contain my judgement but to sometimes it is impossible. I like to think my judgement is directed toward those who complain about situations they have gotten themselves into and that they do nothing to fix. Things like complaining about being dead tired yet doing nothing to lessen the amount of times their co-sleeping toddler wakes at night to nurse. We didn't co-sleep or for that matter nurse at my house but I have nothing against either one if it works. BUT if you are falling down tired and refuse to try some other parenting options I really don't want to hear about you being tired. I end up judging them for their choices.

What I find the most interesting is that the judgement comes from people outside my group of friends who know me best. We are able to share information and swap parenting ideas without feeling judged. Which is why I suppose we became friends in the first place. The real harsh judgement comes from those moms on the outside looking in who don't even know much of anything about me except what they see on the outside. They see what they want to see and form opinions and rock solid judgements in their heads.

Ultimately what is most important is that the kids are happy and healthy and loved. If they eat candy every day or stay up past 8 it won't make a life long dent in their ability to be a good person. What works for one family might not work for another family but that doesn't mean it is a wrong choice just a different one. Being a parent is hard work but judging is the easy way out.