Vivid Gray

Sometimes I wish I saw things in a more black and white manner. Instead my mind is all gray. I can't just make a decision and be happy with it, ever. I have to weigh and reweigh all the options and the affect each option would have on everyone involved. I envy the people who easily make a choice and move on without a second thought or a regret. My mind desperately wants to overtake the process but a little thing called my heart gets in the way. Sometimes I would rather throw the choice that would make me the happiest in front of the train and choose something that might make others breath easier. I know I sound like a wet noodle or a bit naive but I really believe that each decision I make affects the flow of people's lives. The real problem is that I forget that it is my happiness that I need to put ahead of others and that that is the one I am in the most control of. I need to do what is right for me and my life and stop trying to take everyone else's twisted road onto my shoulders. It gets so heavy and I am so tired. As a friend so eloquently pointed out to me, I need to appreciate myself and my path and focus on my own happiness goals and let everyone else concentrate on finding their own way. Now I have thought it, considered it and written it I hope I can actually do it!