Why Search for a Unicorn if Unicorns don't Exist??

For 20 years I have tried so hard to be agreeable with my in-laws. I have followed my upbringing and been mannerly and cordial. I have bent beyond what I thought I could to fit into their schedule and the mold of their holidays. They are never happy. They are never thankful. They never consider the fact that we have three children who are in tons of activities. They never seem to remember Chris travels a lot and sometimes we only have one day a week together as a family. Most importantly I think they have never faced the fact that Chris is a grown man. They decide what is going to happen and then inform us. Chris is an only child and has two aunts (on his mom's side..so his mom's sisters) who have no children. He is the only one. My girls are the only ones to fill the grandchild void for all those women. The problem is that their actual grandmother really doesn't like kids. She is scared of them and doesn't have any interest in them. She lives about 10 miles from us and sees the kids MAYBE 5 times a year and never without the rest of the family (her sisters) there. Chris's aunt who lives 2 hours away does like kids and has interest in them but doesn't have a clue about them. She always wants us to come to her house which entails traveling 2 hours to a museum-like house with NOTHING the kids can do and sitting there through 5 course meals on china that last for hours and hours. I have done this for 10 years since Caroline was born because I love Chris. I am done. Even when I comply to their intricate holiday plans they are not happy. When I try to shift the get together to our house where the kids have things to do they are obviously hurt and so ungracious that I always end up upset. They always bring lavish gifts when they see the kids so the girls think of that when they think of them. I hate that. I have come to the point where I can not do this any longer. I cannot try and try to make them happy at the expense of my family. I cannot continue to search for serendipity when I seriously don't think that exists for them. You might as well hunt unicorns.