Help Wanted

When kids are tiny and new everyone can outwardly see the work taking care of them involves. They need everything. To be fed and bathed and wiped and loved. It is never ending really. And they watch everything you do remembering and memorizing the way you do it. From the moment they arrive you are their teacher in so many ways. As they grow and change the outward appearance of their need for you changes. They have learned to do all those monotonous things every day life calls for themselves. The thing that is hard to see or understand is that their need inside is still there. They don't need you to pick out their clothes or cut up their meat but they do need you to listen to them cry over not being invited or praise their outstanding game. They want to be told what time to come home and what language class to sign up for. The work of parenting isn't done. I would argue that it is probably never done. Learning to find the balance of respect and independence is a scary dance for them. All we can do is provide the music but we can't get out there and dance for them.

When I steal a sideways glace at my girls these days I see flashes of them as babies but also glimpses of me and of what they will be as women. I listen to their

vocabularies and the individual sense of humor I hear from each one and I know that so far I have done my job the best that I know how. They don't need me to tie their shoes anymore but they do need me to be present and participating. When you are rocking in that chair feeding the baby at midnight and thinking about how hard it is to make it through the day without sleep or a shower remember that those days are tough but may not be the toughest. When they are learning to ride a two wheeler and fall and skin their knee it is painful but probably not as bad as their first breakup or failing their driving exam. Parenting is a lifelong job with the highest level of commitment of any job out there. The good thing is that it also has a life time of huge payouts and bonus's. Love and creating a genuinely good person are two I can think of off the top of my head.

*BLEEP* People Say in Powell, OH

Everything I have written or tried to write in the past few months is just too influenced by gray clouds and heavily laden by my extreme SAD disorder. Sooo in true Beth fashion I have decided to divert attention from the serious and important and write something with a little comic relief in it...

**Thanks to my running girls and my sister for contributing ideas for this post. Luckily they can all find humor in themselves since they (and me ) are all guilty of one or two of these things. Hopefully all of my Powell friends reading can too.**

Bleep people say in Powell, Ohio......

1) "Zoombezi Bay?? OH we don't go there even though it is right in Powell...the people from Columbus like to vacation there. They pack a big styrofoam cooler and bring their unruly children from sun up to sun down....Besides my Nanny doesn't like to get too much sun."

2) "Backround checks for school volunteers?? BRAVO! No more perverted parents on field trips! I am glad they aren't giving breathalyzers or checking Coach purses for prescription drugs..."

3) "Hold on honey! I am busy arranging the kids sports stickers on the back of my car in alphabetic order with my 13.1 sticker smack dab in the middle...we may need a bigger SUV."

4)" I started using the SCRIP program the day my kid entered kindergarten to save for the 8th grade trip! We have exactly $47.55...8 years later."

5) "No, Little girl I don't want any of those girl scout cookies unless they are gluten free, peanut free and made in completely peanut free factories. I will however purchase a dozen boxes to donate to a food pantry. Those people won't care about the nutritional worth."

6) "Have you heard the Middle School kids are having"kissing" parties in the woods?? I wonder where those parents are while this is going on??? HOW do these kids even know what "kissing" is??"

7) "Did someone just say they saw Jack Hanna?? Who cares!"

8) "Out of all the ice cream shops in Powell I could only live with one choice. The organic choice. At Jenni's I can get a hearty portion of my favorite goat cheese-chocolate-banana-caramel- marshmallow- mint-clove-barley in a vegan cone for only 10$ What a bargain!"

9) "I ran 10 miles in 2 hours at a 10 minute a mile pace this morning then I hit the gym after work and now I am going to go pick up a pizza, beer and ice cream..I deserve it!"

10)" Our small town is so quaint that I can walk to restaurants and bars but I still have to be careful not to drink too much..the police are known for stopping people for drunk walking!"

11) "The new neighbors are turning our subdivison into a ghetto. Their swingset has a light green striped awning and a YELLOW slide instead of the one specified by our association. We may need to have an intervention."

If the Fates Allow

I heard a Christmas song with the line "If the fates allow" sandwiched somewhere in the middle of a bunch of other jolly words. It was a song I have heard a thousand times over many years..a classic. Yet this is the first time I have ever heard that line. I don't know if in past years I was too busy worrying about all the holiday stress or if I just wasn't listening. But this year I heard it and I can't stop hearing it. It seems profound and rather thought provoking.

As much as I want to appear level headed and well anchored to the daily grind I can't deny that I do believe in fate. The fact that I know in my heart of hearts there is a pull from somewhere that is providing the road map for our lives. That somehow we are all destined to be who we end up being. The choices we make could make the journey shorter or longer or maybe less painful but all in all we we will end up where we are supposed to be. The really hard part is that there

is no fortune teller or instruction book that tells us what is coming next. How tomorrow will turn out. We have to live it to know it. Things that we hope are meant to be may end up as temporary.

I think when I replay that song over and over again in my head I am beginning to realize what it means. Take the chance now to be with those you love. Don't fret about who is going to sit next to Aunt Jane or if everyone will enjoy your new recipe. Order a pizza and let people chose their own seat. Don't obsess about calories or the crumbs on your floor. Lick the frosting off your fingers and brush the crumbs under the rug. Relish in today and this holiday with those important to you IF the fates allow....

** My 13 year old relishing spending quality time out to lunch with her family**

They Surround Me

Super powers are over rated. At least the ones in the cartoons. Those unfathomable unattainable things that seem to signal a hero. Running faster than a speeding bullet or leaping a building in a single bound really only matter to damsels in distress anyway. The true hero's, at least the ones I know, have much more important special powers.

In my book, if I had one, the hero's would be every day women who have extreme strength. not the muscle bursting out of your shirt kind but the kind inside. The strength that makes it possible to stand back up after being knocked down and keep on walking. The kind that helps you make the strong sometimes stand alone decisions that are not the easiest but are by far the bravest.

My hero's admit weakness and accept help. They do not accept defeat though no matter how many times it seems to chase them. My hero's are real people. People I learn from every minute of every day. People I want to be when I grow up. Real people.

Making Lemonade Makes Me Laugh.

So much of life is a joke. OR the only way to get through most of life is to think of it that way. Laughter usually makes things bearable. Lemons can seem more like lemonade if sprinkled with a giggle or two.

Like you know when you open the umbrella in the pouring rain and it is ripped down the middle. The rain gushes in soaking you but do you cry and add more wetness? or laugh and start singing (in the rain I might add)?

You drive thru the expensive coffee place for your weekly treat. The barista hands it to you and the heavenly steamy smell fills the car. You place it in the cup holder and pull away hitting a bump that sends the cup flying along with your dream of deliciousness and your 6$! Do you cuss and give in to the pain of the burns on your feet?? Nope not me. I laugh...and swing back through to buy another with the change I manage to dig out.

When you realize your kid has been crunching up crackers in her room to feed her elf and shoving them under a book for a week do you yell and tear the arm off the poor unsuspecting elf? NO. You giggle as you sweep up the cracker crumbs and ants and you write a note from the elf thanking the kid for feeding him.

Like when you call the Dr.'s office to see if they have any flu mist left and they tell you they only have ONE and you really need three....so you talk to the receptionist for 10 minutes trying to rationalize enough to choose one kid over the others for the mist instead of the needle. Only to start to giggle. Loud and uncontrollably. Into the phone. And end up not making an appointment for anything at all.

Or when you order your teenage daughter jeans online and can't face the fact that her legs are as long as yours even though she tries to tell you. You order what size you wish she still was. She tries the jeans on and they are half way up her calf and look ridiculous yet while trying to keep a straight face you try to get her to keep them and wear them with boots so you don't have to admit defeat.

When my husband complains about my coffee breath do I stop drinking coffee?? of course not! I make him a cup with half a container of creamer and a dash of coffee and serve it with a smile. He feels like he has become a coffee drinker too. It is a win win situation. He doesn't notice my breath anymore and he buys me the good kind of creamer.

I figure laughing so hard you cry burns lots more calories then just crying. I choose laughter.

Rough Edges Are Pretty Too

November. Already. I like the idea of being thankful all year for things not just one day or one month. Because I am... you know...thankful. But to clear up exactly what I really cherish I wanted to say a few things. Things that I have just recently figured out. I am slow I know but sometimes things that are most important take time to realize.

To me the things that I find to be the most important in my life are not things at all. Nothing you can really touch or see but things you can feel. Finding that peace in your own life where you aren't trying to make things perfect anymore. Accepting what you love warts and all, no more trying to smooth the rough edges to a slippery pristine perfect. Realizing how important it is to love who I am when I am with someone... as important as how much I love that person. Why surround myself with people that I can't be myself with and enjoy myself with? I won't. Not anymore.

Tangible gifts are nice for sure but giving the gift of time to someone is more important. Taking the time to really know someone and experience memory making together. Reading a story or jumping in a pile of leaves makes more of an impact then a brightly colored package arriving in the mail. One hundred thousand presents don't equal the same as making a lopsided cake together or licking the spoon afterward. A pocket full of things doesn't make you a better mother, father, friend or grandparent...not with out the time investment.

Lastly I am grateful that I can lend an empathetic ear to those who need it. I pride myself on being able to listen and feel for but not judge those who confide in me. Real empathy takes becoming the other person and not reacting with approval or disapproval. It means listening and reacting in a calming, soothing, bridge-building way. Without having true empathy I don't really think it is possible to develop any relationship past superficial.

So those are the things that come to mind when I am asked what I am thankful for. Also the things I hope my kids can someday say they are grateful for.

Like Fine Wine

It feels like it has all been leading up to this moment. My life I mean. Traveling all the way up that proverbial hill and teetering right there at the top. Ready to start slow on the way down and pick up speed finally crashing into a pile of wrinkles and gray hair.

Giggle.

I have to laugh at that analogy of being over the hill at 40. The trite crap you read on birthday cards. Real life tells a different story.

Saying goodbye to my 30's is surprisingly easy. I feel stronger now then then. I feel like the first 40 years were like studying for the test and the next 40 will be taking it. It is like I have put all the outside edge pieces of my puzzle together and now I am ready to start on the more complex, meatier inside pieces. That can be really hard when you don't have that all important picture on the box top to peek at. But maybe such a defined picture wouldn't really help me since I am making it up as I go along. Maybe some of those pieces have pictures of me doing a triathlon or a marathon. Maybe there are some of me in a bikini on a far away beach or sitting in a college classroom. The possibilities are endless really.

So on Tuesday when it is official don't feel any sympathy. No walkers or putrid black icing for this girl. Fine chocolate and expensive red wine, please. Let's celebrate! Besides isn't it success when you reach an important birthday and you find that you are exactly the same as you were the day before?