The Mud Has Been Slung

So Spring has sprung around here. Sure the birds are singing perky little songs before the sun comes all the way up. Yes flowers are beginning to tentatively poke their heads out of the soft newly green grass. It doesn't get dark until after 8:30 and there is even a rain tinged breeze whispering through the newly opened windows. All those things are true yet that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about the sudden onset of multiple activities. Concerts and soccer and plays OH my. I am talking about the muddy ground that is partially still outside but mostly inside on my floor and on my kid's suddenly too short pants and too tight shoes. I am talking about the scramble to set up entertainment for the summer before it is too late. I am talking about the sudden need to yell at the kids to be quiet because the windows are open and the neighbors can hear the screeching and screaming that was so nicely hidden during the winter. I am talking about the 100's of geese that have made themselves at home in the neighborhood. You know the big ones from Canada that like to use my car as their bathroom. Ah yes spring in Ohio.. it has sprung. That line between love and hate is so close together I can hardly tell the difference.

I Take it ALL Back

So I have decided to just come out and admit I am wrong.

I am taking it all back. The

advice, the teaching, the modeling, the punishments. All of it back. Who cares that I am 39 years old and a former teacher and their MOTHER. I am obviously incorrect. My children tell me every day. They argue with every word that comes out of my mouth. Lets face the truth...I do not know best.

Maybe reverse psychology will work?

Never ever clean up after yourself. Just let it all pile up and who cares when you have absolutely no clean underware and have to turn some inside out?? Don't worry! No one will know and if you get in an accident and have to go to the hospital with dirty undies and holey socks.

Stay up all night. No really ALL night. It won't matter when your alarm goes off at 6:30. You will be able to drag yourself out of bed and make your breakfast and straighten your hair and be out the door with NO sleep. You ARE right...I am mean when I say 10pm is when you should be in bed lights out..that is just way to early for a 12 year old!

When I tell you it is going to snow and be cold IGNORE me. I am wrong way more then the weather man. Go ahead wear flip flops and a skirt. OH and be sure to leave your jacket in a pile on the floor. You won't get cold.

Packing three different forms of fruit snacks is a perfectly acceptable lunch especially if you add in some chocolate milk and maybe a cookie. That will keep you full all day and I know it will make you ace that spelling test you have in the afternoon.

OH sure let me shell out 80$ for those awesome shoes you want. I mean it isn't like you are going to grow out of them in the next few months or anything. HEY maybe I should add in a new purse and a pair of designer sunglasses while I am at it. YOU know I am made of money and think it will make you a better person if I give you every single thing you desire in life.

Is that outfit clean?? oh I forgot to go in your room and dig through all the piles to find the dirty clothes and then wash them so they were prepared for you this morning. I am so sorry.. will you ever forgive me for being so careless?? Oh and don't worry that there is a dried mustard stain on that shirt...we can just toss it and buy a new one. As a matter of fact let me run out and do that today because as you like to inform me I have absolutely NOTHING going on.

HER mom pays for A's on report cards?? OH WELL what a fabulous idea...let me give you 10$ for each A...oh and HER mom goes to get ice cream?? well lets do that as well...and HIS mom lets him get a new Wii game...how fabulous!

I would LOVE to paint your nails at 9pm! YES let me braid your hair too... AND study for that spelling test...I am certainly NOT in the middle of a show and who cares that I asked you hours ago if you needed help with anything. At your beck and call my sweet angels!

Whats that you say?? You don't feel like playing in the soccer game today?? It is too cold? OH OK you stay in bed while your dad goes to the game and coaches it...I wouldn't want you to have to run or kick the ball especially when you are so delicate and all....I mean wrestling with your sister and jumping from couch to couch should be enough exercise for you today.

Just So You Know.

Just so you know....

I secretly love it when my youngest climbs into my bed in the middle of the middle of the night and snuggles in while letting out a little sigh..like all is ok now.

My eyes tear up every time I walk in my bathroom and see one toothbrush in the holder next to the sink. A visual reminder of another night alone.

Humor is sometimes my band aid for pain.

I used to hate to sweat. I used to think it showed weakness somehow. Now sweat represents power and being in control. I run to sweat.
I love to sweat.

There is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. One is nice and sweet the other is uncontrollably all consuming.

Cinnamon rolls make me happy.

Labels are good for food boxes and medicine bottles but not for children.

Politicians are people too. They have families and lives and hobbies and favorite foods. Disagreeing with them on issues is one thing but spewing hate about them as a person is another.

If you are going to talk the talk you better be willing to walk the walk or it is completely meaningless.

Perfection is impossible in real life. No one lives in a fairy tale.

Just so you know.

Magical List

I am not one to make lists. I am not that organized. As a matter of fact I am downright disorganized.. In my head I have lists but they never make it on paper and most of the time they don't ever manage to get things crossed off of them. I have been that way as long as I can remember. It is part of what makes me me. Disheveled and cluttered but still marginally lovable.

We are going on vacation to Disney with some friends of ours. They make lots of lists and even manage to cross things off. They are very organized. I love that about them. BUT I hate it at the same time because it makes me feel like that lady.. you know the one you see with her shirt untucked and her hair frazzled with toilet paper stuck to her heel, running around with her head cut off carrying a screaming baby with only a diaper on.

So in the spirit of trying to be organized and to head off being THAT lady I was inspired to make a list for vacation...I hope I can cross everything off this list..I really do.

My List

Skin ready to be warmed by the sun and hugged by Mickey, Donald and Goofy.

Hands open and ready to hold smaller hands so they don't get lost.

A mouth ready to smile and laugh. A lot.

Taste buds prepared for the delight of vacation only food and drink.

Happy rested feet ready to skip about the happiest place on earth.

The ability to let my worries go and focus on family and fun.

Eyes, wide open, ready to capture memories to treasure for years to come.

Love Exactly.

**Warning: sappy Valentine's post below**

Love, to me, morphs over the years. It begins with the fireworks. The flowers and candy and hand holding stuff. The proclamations out loud of "I love you". Later it becomes more..because words aren't always reality. The longer it lasts the more it changes and deepens.

It is about learning how to be true to yourself yet being able to belong to someone else. He knows me as I know myself and I know him better. We accept each others faults because they are so much a part of who we are as a whole. When he looks at me he sees past my expression to what I am really feeling. His eyes to mine..soul to soul. Always as if we are the only two in the world.

Laughter and tears often intermingle with us. One first then the other. Picking each other up when we stumble. Learning as we go....leaning on each other. Everything swirling around us and nothing for certain except you are for me and I am for you. Exactly love.

The Treehouse Club

Apparently I am never right. Everything I say is debated and contradicted and naysay-ed. There are a gang of girls that simply find fault in all that I do and say. three blond girls that look a lot like me. The ones I feed and clothe and hug. My Children.

Sometime when I wasn't looking they took a time out form sibling rivalry and came together to form club called Mom is wrong and we can't let her get away with it. Here is one conversation that pretty much sums up the whole motto of the club in a nutshell.

The 12 year old: "Mom, why didn't we ever have a tree house??? You know, like Arthur (the AARDVARK) and Franklin (the TURTLE)...they had awesome tree houses. I have always wanted a tree house."

The 6 year old chiming in: "OH YES! Little Bear had one too AND the Bernstein Bears actually lived inside a big tree house."

ME: "Well we don't actually have a tree big enough in our yard to put a tree house in...and umm well you guys are not fictional animals that talk."

12 year old: "Well Mother their tree houses were always out in a forest in the very biggest tree with the greenest leaves and the best berries."

ME: "So are you saying that you want ME to go out in a forest and find the best tree and build you a tree house ???"

All 3 girls: " YES if you loved us YOU would!"

The 10 year old: "BUT she won't. She never does anything we want her to do...SIGH"

ALL nodding in agreement ((..while they sat in their warm house, eating a home cooked meal, watching cartoons, wearing their Uggs )).

If I hadn't been so amused by the absurdity of the conversation I might have been a little hurt.

If You Play in the Big Leagues...

I remember playing dress up as a kid. I would put on a lacy white gown and a veil and it would be my wedding. It was either that or I would play mommy. I would have baby dolls cradled in my arms or in the plastic carriage. I would feed them and change them and love them. I was always one scenario or the other ... sometimes I would still be in my wedding gown and move on to the mommy part. It was all I ever wanted. Love. Babies. White picket fence. The Big League.

The problem is that those absolutely wonderful things come with a lot of pesky details. There are jobs and mortgages. Children that aren't plastic. That have real cries and real poop along with distinctive personalities and opinions. Responsibilities galore. Fights and dates. Crying and laughing. Good and bad but all details. They take energy and time. Sometimes the details muck up the big picture. The important parts. The only parts that matter in the end. Love. Commitment. Respect.

Sometimes those details become too much and start to make you feel like the weight of your world is set square on your shoulders. Whether you crumble under that weight depends on so many things. It depends on being able to wade through all those details to get to the life stands still moments. The moments where time seems to freeze and you remember why you wanted all this stuff in the first place. When your child reads a book to you for the first time. When your husband holds your hand a little tighter and tells you that you are his forever. The days that your child demonstrates all those qualities that you painstakingly tried to teach them. Those moments that become an imprint in your memory. A testament to being a family. Which to me simply means having someone you love as your partner and raising children to be respectful, happy people.

What I have learned in all those years since I used to dress up in that over sized white gown and play family with such ease is that it certainly isn't...easy. In fact being a family is anything but easy. It takes lots of perseverance and work. It is hard and intimidating but anything worth having is worth working hard for.