Holiday Road

My husband and I have been taking vacations together for so long we have almost looped the long road of travels. Chris took his first ever family vacation with my family when we were dating in high school. He traveled to South Carolina with us in the back of a sedan. Me, my sister, and my parents all shoved together in a hot car for 12 hours. He embraced all the things that come with a family vacation. Both the bad and the good. The memories all started there and the minute we had our first child he vowed to make those memories last forever. What started out as he and I first married and spending the long rides talking about what we would name our first child turned into calming a crying baby in the back with a pacifier or a bottle. Holding hands over the stick shift singing love songs turned into reciting the wiggles music while making faces in the mirror. Our small car swiftly turned into a station wagon then a mini van. We traveled through diapers and play pens. We survived bottles and naps. Some years I needed a vacation from my vacation and other years I never wanted to come home.

The kids are older this year but the challenges are still there. The whining and fighting is almost as bad as them crying as babies. The hotel rooms seem to be getting smaller and the food costs higher. Chris still tries to attempt stops at Griswald type attractions but it is getting harder and harder to talk the girls into it. They will do it just for their dad but not without lots of eye rolls and complaints. I know that soon nothing will seem to be worthwhile without friends and then boyfriends. I am totally aware that we may have to force our fun on them. I remember when my parents did that to me. I hated some of it then but I love that they did it now. The vacation memories are integral to my childhood. The baby oil sunburns and the miniature golf are a part of me. Forever.

Be Prepared.

I remember that August day 22 years ago. It was sunny and humid but there was a slight breeze that made it bearable. The moment I walked up the hill at the rose garden my attention turned to all the American flags lining the small stage. I knew that those flags were there to represent the importance of what was going to happen there that day. Chris was becoming an Eagle Scout. He was receiving the highest rank obtainable in the Boy Scouts. His whole family was there and all of his friends. The clergy that eventually married us was there. He was wearing his freshly ironed uniform that was filled with merit badges and medals. The head Scoutmaster was the one who presented the sought after award. He talked a ton about who is worthy of becoming an Eagle. Only those that demonstrate the Scout Spirit by following the Boy Scout Oath. Then he read the oath. Most of it was just a bunch of jumbled words to me but the line being morally straight made me stifle a something between a gasp and a laugh. At that moment I was sure everyone was looking at me and could see what had happened only 12 hours earlier that would have earned a very important life merit badge.

The night before started out like most others in our young romance. We took a walk hand in hand and talked for hours naming our kids and discussing our white picket fence. We had already proclaimed our love through promise rings and endless kisses. There was no pressure but everything just seemed right for us to take the next step in our relationship. We had read that was what happened next. We had been told by friends it was time. We were prepared. One locked door and some awkward fumbling later it was in the books and we moved on to the next page.

The funniest part is that the details have all faded and neither of us remembers most of it. All I really know is that I am glad it was him. I do remember seeing everyone shake his hand after the ceremony and blushing bright hot red because it just seemed so ironic that people were congratulating him.

I have been married 16 years and have 3 children and I still get embarrassed when I see a boyscout in uniform....

True or False?

True or False?

I have never gotten a traffic ticket.

True or False?

I met one of my closest friends on a Mom's site online and she lives 100's of miles away.

True or False?

I have never broken a bone.

True or False?

I hate having pedicures because I don't like people touching my feet. I have never had a massage for the same reason.

True or False?

I met my husband when I was 15. My parents met when they were 15 as well.

True or False?

I could never teach again.

True or False?

I loved college but hated school with a passion before that.

True or False?

I am tone deaf and had to lip sync during choir in high school.

True or False?

I would love to have a fourth child if I knew for sure it would be a boy.

True or False?

I learned to drive on a stick shift and actually prefer them over automatics.

True or False?

I desperately want a tattoo.

True or False?

I enjoy being a kept woman. I have no desire to wear the pants in the family.

True or False?

I have never mowed the lawn.

True or False?

I wore my mom's wedding dress when I got married.

True or False?

I never had more then a few sips of wine before I hit my late 20's.

True or False?

I hate movies, concerts and traveling.

True or False?

I love ice cream, flea markets and running.

True or False?

I have had a cup of hot tea every morning since I started high school.

True or False?

I am obsessed with true crime, home improvement shows and my iPhone.

True or False?

I once tried on all the shoes of the wealthy woman I nannied for and used all of her expensive self tanner.

True or False?

I still have a shirt tucked away that was my grandma's as a memory.

True or False?

I have to sleep in a king sized bed all the way over on the edge with no one touching me.

True or False?

I believe in fate, karma and true love.

True.

Everything on this list.

Greeting Cards Do Not Equal Love.

I have never been a greeting card person. I don't see cards at the store and think of someone and and I certainly don't buy cards and send them for every occasion. To me cards are brightly colored paper with someone elses words written on them. I can easily write a whole page of my own words to express my thoughts and feelings for special people and sometimes I do. Chris and I have even made a private joke of my distaste for cards. He buys me cards and purposely doesn't sign them. I do the same for him. We keep them in a giant box and, on occasion, reuse them for other people.

My in-laws are definately greeting card people. They religiously send cards for birthdays complete with the date and signature. Most of the time they get the right general time of their only three grandchildren's birthdays. Most of the time they put the right name on the front of the envelope. You might say what is so noteworthy of a grandparent sending a card? Well it wouldn't be and really it shouldn't be but unfortunately it is. It is so noteworthy because the card is basically it. There are no phone call's on the special day. No visit complete with a hug and a present. Nothing. Just a card within a few days of their birthday's. They live close. By close I mean 15 minutes away. My husband is an only child. There are no excuses.

Sometimes a situation plays out over so many years that the emotions that were so clear and extreme have faded into an expected numbness. They manage to see the kids 3 or 4 times a year. Mostly over the holidays mixed with other relatives and lots of fanfare filled with gifts and celebration. Never time for a conversation to find out the kids interests or personalities. Never a moment to realize the girls are growing up and have become such individuals. Never any desire for that. In the beginning I made an effort but it was so one sided that I eventually gave up. There is simply no way to force someone to be involved in your children's life. Honestly why should you have too anyway? Someday soon when they blink and realize that the girls are learning to drive and graduating from high school and even getting married they might realize what they have missed overthe years. I doubt they will though. I think they will just buy an ever so appropriate greeting card and send it on it's way.

Deciding to Care

When I graduated from college and made the choice to take a teaching job 45 minutes away in a small community I got a lot of raised eyebrows. Why was I choosing to drive so far to work in a podunk town where nepotism and farms were the cornerstone? Why did I decide to accept a job in a falling down school building making a minor pittance compared to what I could have made in some other districts? People just didn't get it. Surprisingly the decision was not hard at all. The minute I stepped foot in the school and talked to the warm empathetic principal I made my choice. He knew all the kids who would be in my class and their parents personally. As a matter of fact the week after I accepted the job we actually drove to each house in his pick up truck and visited the students so that they would feel more at ease with a new teacher. On the ride to each house the principal described each child's strengths and their weaknesses. He really cared.

There were never enough supplies and I often had to scour garage sales to cover my lessons. I had a student that lived in a one room apartment with his mom and 4 brothers (yes ONE room). Some of the kids would come to school in the morning with their stomach's growling because they hadn't eaten since lunch the day before. One boy refused to walk and we finally figured out why. It was because he was wearing shoes that were two sizes too small because those were all he had. As difficult as it was to teach in sub par conditions and see some of the hardships I saw I would do it all again. It has made me a better person. A better mother. A better friend. I know that I made a difference in the kid's education and even more importantly their lives. I cared.

When I look at the schools today I see less and less of the caring mentality and more and more of the only thing that matters is test score mentality. Don't get me wrong I want my children to learn and get good grades but I also want them to feel the warmth that goes along with that. When a child is at school they are more then just a name on a roster. They have hobbies and siblings and in some cases scary things affecting their lives and learning. They are kids and can't block out tears and laughter to focus on reading and arithmetic. It is a mistake to phase out sympathy and empathy from the classroom. Turning hugs into high fives might not be the way to go. Unless of course we want to create a bunch of cold hearted Harvard grads. Personally I would rather see community college bound good, empathetic people instead.

Not ME Monday!

Join along with me and Mckmama at My Charming Kids in admitting some imperfections and revealing some moments that you would rather forget. Come on you know you want too! It is super therapeutic and sometimes pretty funny! Enjoy!
I could never have gotten a tad bit giddy when I noticed the school supplies going back on the shelves at Target...no way!
I certainly did NOT wear my new running shorts backwards during a 7 mile run and there is no way that I laughed for a full 5 minutes when I realized it later.
My husband did not leave for an entire week in glorious Europe while I sat at home with three bored fighting kids..that would have been unfair and unjust.
I could never have challenged myself to avoid the grocery store at all costs this week just to see what I could make out of the stuff I had in the freezer and pantry NOR did my children say that they might die if I didn't buy snacks and treats for a whole week (( and I really DID make it the whole week)).
My oldest baby could not be turning 12 on Wednesday. Absolutely NOT. That would make me way too old. SO old that I DID not climb on a bike and ride around for the first time in YEARS.
I didn't resort to using slushies to bribe the kids on more then one occasion this week and I certainly didn't sit in the car playing on Facebook while they went into Speedway to get them...nope NOT me!
I could not have started researching going back to school to become a child psychologist just to get some inside tricks on how to deal with the idiosyncrasies of my own children..that would have been overkill...well probably...maybe
I definitely didn't avoid using the word definitely in this post because I misspell it every time I write it...nope definitely NOT!

Twenty Years of Perspective Makes You Brave

Twenty years ago I remember being someone else. I was a kid then with everything before me. I was quiet and reserved with a stifled sense of humor (that was only funny in my own head). I thought that might just be who I was destined to be forever. Now, years later, I have certainly become someone that didn't exist then. The best part is that everyone in high school has become someone else too. The playing field was totally leveled the minute we moved that tassel. No more class clowns or prom queens. No more varsity cheerleaders or star quarterbacks. Those four years became a memory that actually had no impact on who we all are now.

Yet when I think about attending my reunion in a few weeks I still have trepidations about being around people who knew me back then. With the flashes of memories from all those years ago comes the flooding feelings of insignificance. People who put me in a category just like I did to them. I don't want to climb back into my wallflower anymore than I want to dig out my acid wash jeans. I hope that those labels that we all had will be as faded as those of a well washed pair of twenty year old jeans. We should all be able to come together with an open mind. To see how far we have all traveled in the work in progress that is our lives. Wrinkles and extra pounds are certainly not choosy and everyone has succumbed to them. The stories that once centered around school pranks and football games will turn to jobs and children now. The skirts will be longer or at least they should be) and the hair grayer. Twenty years can do a lot to alter a pimply brace face. What people see inside is what I care about now though. I want to shine through as the person who I have become or maybe who I always was deep below the insecurity and teen angst. Lets face it, some people that were once immature, self-centered teenagers might have grown into much improved grownups. I know I have.

What I want to gain from attending the reunion is the ability to sneak a boy back into my house just like I tried to to back then. This time I actually don't think it will be an issue....I think I will bring boys and girls alike home with me. This time in the form of a memory.