Sibling Reflection

Lately I have taken some time to sit and observe the interaction between my three kids and it has really made me start thinking about how and why siblings can be so different. They grow up in the same house with the same parents so logically you would think their experiences would be similar. My three kids could not be more different. I see parts of my husband and I melded together ..the best and the worst parts..and deposited into each one. The main thing guiding those traits though is the unique personality that they were born with already in place. At my house we have Miss Drama With a Heart of Gold, Miss The World is Against Me, and Miss INTENSE. This tells me that we can parent each one the same and come up with three very different outcomes. I see it in my own siblings. We all grew up in the same house and lived through the same experiences yet none of us remember it in the same way. One of us will remember the lesson we learned, someone else will remember the punishment and usually the third doesn't even remember the incident happening at all (that one is usually me..I tend to block things out). Every time I try to create a memory or teach a lesson for my children, I reflect back on the fact that whatever I am trying to teach or ingrain in them will be tossed and turned and interpreted in three very different ways. The one thing I want to shine through beyond the differences is that I love them and support their ideas and feelings. Not in spite of their uniqueness but because of it.

I Am That Mom

I am THAT Mom....

....who lets my kids lick the bowl after making cookies, raw egg and all

....who pretends I don't hear anyone crying in the middle of the night so my husband has to deal

....who has to dig for matching socks every single morning for my kids and if I can't find them then I just tell them to wear boots

...who bribes my kids with treats, even at 7am

....who uses Google to help with homework

....who avoids all volunteer "opportunities" at the school

...who puts my youngest in the babysitting place at the grocery even when I have absolutely no shopping to do.

....who loves the invention of Uncrustables and Lunchables

...who wears sweaty workout wear and a hat to the bus stop every day

....who must have fountain Diet Coke on a daily basis even if it means raiding my kids piggy banks or my husbands wallet

....who stays awake all night worrying about my daughter that is struggling in school

....who sees my own preteen angst in my eleven year old's eyes

....who sometimes tears up when I realize my baby isn't really a baby anymore

I am that mom.

Are you that mom?

inspired by Susie.

The Bigger Picture

I keep getting caught in all the details and detainment of every day life. Situations in the here and now seem to consume me and weigh me down. I can't get past all of that to see the bigger picture. I want to and I try to but I can't seem to move all those things out of the way to get a clear view. I try to remember that in the larger picture a lot of the stress and hardships along the way don't really contribute. The outcome is what it is whether or not I spend my time in a state of anxiety. What seems to be the worst thing in the world while it is happening might simply be the steps that need to be taken to reach the finish. Telling myself doesn't seem to be enough though when I see such bad things happen to such good people. Challenges like sickness, death and addiction seem like more then just parts to a bigger puzzle at the time they are happening. In reality they lead us all in new and different directions and often make us stronger and more resilient in life. Adversity turns us into who we are and who we were always meant to be.

Ribbons and Bows

If I wrote a yearly Christmas Letter (which I don't) it would probably look something like what I have written below. It is a sort of showcase of some beautiful classic snapshots of our whimsical,warm, happy holiday season so far.

*After dragging out 6 decoration boxes laden with memories of Christmas past I quickly picked 2 things out of each box then dragged them all back to the basement where they will sit untouched for another year.

*Instead of pouring over cookbooks and planning the holiday meals this year I am focusing on what is really important: the wine list and the dessert.

* I am relishing in the fact that my two older girls are having a really hard time finding anything to put on their Christmas lists. They are much more interested in shopping for the foster kids we are sponsoring this year and even want to help pay for the toys on their lists.


*In an effort to stop myself from eating all the treats laying around I gulped some hot cocoa and bunt my taste buds. Too bad I decided that I could remember well enough what everything tastes like so I would just go ahead and eat them anyway.

*The girls and I have found a nifty alternative use for the Advent calendar this December! We are using it to keep track of all the days Chris is traveling between now and Christmas.

*I caught Amelia screaming at the classic Rudolph on the TV. She was telling the Burl Ives snowman how annoying he was and informing him that he better get off the screen as she fast forwarded.

*I am pretty sure that the girls special elves that come to visit every year are following me around this year. I hope they haven't seen or heard anything that they shouldn't!

*I am having a major stand off with Mother Nature. She wants the cold, snow and ice to come and I refuse to acknowledge it...I continue to get up at 6:30 and run most mornings. Hopefully she won't teach me a lesson by making me fall!

*Chris has set up his usual elaborate Christmas train display. The cats are enjoying lounging around the town and chewing on the wires and the little people. It is like they think he set it up just for them.

* I have taken on a holiday job this year! I am working as a neighborhood exterminator specializing in birds and mice. I like payment in the form of Starbucks and holiday cookies.

*Sorry this letter didn't make it inside the Christmas cards...it might have if I hadn't let my 5 year old seal, stamp and put labels on all the cards. At least it entertained her for an hour. Unfortunately it took me an hour to go back and peel the stamps and labels on and straighten them out.

Loosening the Grip

The other day one of my kids decided to wear two different socks to school. Another wore cowboy boots with sweatpants. At one time this would have sent me into a tailspin. When the girls wore little cutsie outfits with frilly bows were a must. Mommy and me classes and comparing developmental milestones were the norm. They seemed important. Back then what people thought of my parenting seemed so attached to what they thought of my children. Over the years my parenting has morphed into a more laid back style. I have realized that giving the kids choices in every aspect of their lives gives them depth and diversity. It creates individuality and self reliance. When they make mistakes it gives them the chance to create solutions that will hopefully help them when they face similar problems later. When I hear other parents say that their kid is the most perfect athlete or the smartest child out there I worry that they are setting them up for failure. NO one is perfect 100% of the time and I can't imagine the pressure an expectation like that puts on a child. I want my kids to set tough but obtainable goals that they feel comfortable working towards. People on the outside might think I have gotten lackadaisical over the years but to me that refers to being lazy or not caring. I prefer to describe myself as relaxed and flexible but supportive and encouraging. I want my children to grow up to be independent self starters with an affinity for diversity and the ability to find solutions within themselves.