Full Circle

I was thinking the other day about when I was in high school and used to spend my days slamming my door. I would stamp up the stairs arms crossed and fling myself into my room with a bang. I remember burrowing my head in my pillow imaging how I would never be so mean to my kids. How I would do things differently. The thing is I can't clearly remember what the fights were about just that I felt like I was always right and they were always wrong. That they didn't understand. Their job was to set the parameters and my job was to test them. I didn't get that then. I do get that now. I keep catching myself thinking that I am doing things the way my parents did with my own children. It is such a different feeling to be on the other side of the coin. Keeping them safe and teaching them morals and trust is my job. They don't get that now just like I didn't get it then. I see all three of my girls at different ages and stages and I know that the future years will bring challenges. There will be tears and doors slamming. Lots of them I am sure. I know my focus has to stay on my job though to be the adult and the rule maker. The one who says no and the one who stands her ground even when it hurts my feet and my heart. I am doing it for them so they are safe and so some day when life comes full circle they are the parent my parents were and the parent I hope I am.