My Own Cheering Section

There are some events in my life where I actually feel like I was a spectator and not a participant. Where I was sitting to the side watching myself experience something life changing. I remember the first time I kissed Chris. I was 15 and standing outside of the local catholic high school in the moonlight(appropriate right?) and there was a moment that time stood still and I was outside my body watching us kiss. I knew then that that was a special moment. At my wedding I had the same experience. I was watching myself walk down the aisle toward my destiny. Watching my veil blow in the wind and the tears stinging my heavily made up eyes. Watching my Dad slowly walk me down and hand me off to a new chapter. It was like I was in some alternate universe watching myself. Like I wasn't exactly experiencing the event but watching someone else. When I had my first baby it happened again. It was like I was sitting on my own shoulder watching and cheering myself on maybe because something that intense and life changing could never be happening to me. I remember with each of my other two babies it happened again but not quite as completely as the first time. Lately I have been having flashes of another event that will be so intense I will have to become two. I am pushing myself to train for a 1/2 marathon. Something I thought I would never be able to do. A lot of what we have to do to prepare is beyond my comfort level which is what I need at this point. So far my running friends have been there to inspire and motivate me but I can see that in the end it will have to me that pulls myself through. Completing this run is important for me for more then just the run. It is a symbol for me especially because the actual run is on my 38th birthday. A symbol that I am strong and in control and that age is a number not a defining characteristic.