A Sucky Day!

Do you hear that sound??? Listen really really close and you will hear it...it is the sound of my children sucking the life out of me. In all seriousness there really are days I feel like I gave up so many things to devote my time and energy to my kids but I am getting nothing in return. I willingly chose to give up a career that included adult conversation and personal time for motherhood. Lots of days I am proud of this decision because I have the pleasure of being there to kiss their boo boos, wipe their noses and listen to their laughter. Some days it seems like I made the wrong choice. Especially on the days when Amelia is whiny and defiant, Olivia is jealous and crying and Caroline is all knowing and argumentative. On these days I find myself wondering about my before life and who I was when I was just me without the extra three appendages. When I wanted to go out to dinner or a movie I could just go without a second thought. When I wanted to spend an hour on my hair and an hour on my makeup I could. I see the selfishness and immaturity in all this and I also realize that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I totally feel privileged to be able to stay home with my kids and I know that as they get older there will be many things I can provide for them. There will be questions about boys and dates and makeup and parties. My hope is that as the girls get older and need me less for the fundamental things I will edge back and recapture some of the old me. In the end the person that I will be is a mix of every stage of my life and every stuggle will make me a stronger and more thankful for what I have.