A Wrinkle in Time.

Over the past week I have come to a slow realization that I am OLD or well at least close to middle age. I still think of myself inside my head as young and agile but unfortunately my body does not agree. I have been getting up early and running to train for a 5K ..my first ever. Ohhh the pain. My muscles hurt and my knees and back are killing me. While I was sitting in a hot bath whimpering I was remembering that my own Mom took up running when she was just the age I am now. I have a picture of her clearly embedded in my head at that age and I remember thinking how old she was. I realize that the muscle pain will go away and I will reach my goal of running the 5K but it certainly isn't on a whim like it used to be. I still envision myself as a young mother who can do cartwheels for her kids. I can see myself running and flinging myself forward and doing a hand-hand ,foot-foot landing (as our gymnastics teacher always says) and then raising my hands above my head triumphantly with a huge smile on my face. In reality if I were to try and actually do a cartwheel a sickening crack would surely sound and I would not bounce up with a smile on my face, but lay in a heap on the ground. The vision of who I feel like I still am is having a throw down with the person I really am in my head. I think some women in their 30's get to the reality stage and embrace their maturity while others live in their 20's forever. In my opinion there is an age that hair halfway down your back and string bikini's becomes inappropriate no matter how good your body might look. In most cases these women think that doing these cosmetic things make them look younger when in actuality it points out how old they really are. I want to find a happy medium where I am somewhere between teeny bopper wanna be and shawl wearing snow bird. I am seeing the positive in my wisdom and maturity and embracing my abilities now instead of trying to live in the past.