Action Equals Consequence

Unfortunately sometimes we just have to let kids decide things for themselves to understand the point we are trying to make. The problem with this strategy is the harsh judgement of moms that comes along with it. My nephew, for instance, insisted on wearing a pair of new pants that my sister bought him to preschool even though the pants were huge around the waist. He tried them on and threw a complete fit when she told him to change. She tried reasoning with him and providing another pair of pants to change into but nothing worked. The too big camo pants were just too wonderful for him to give up. She finally threw her hands up and said "fine wear them!" When she picked him up from preschool he simply said "MOM, I really need a belt if I am going to wear these pants." No doubt he made this deduction because the teachers mentioned it to him. So my sister comes off looking like an uncaring mother who doesn't pay attention to what her kid is wearing. This has happened to me more times then I would like to remember. Olivia has never been much of a breakfast person but she is always hungry by 10. When she was in preschool I used to try and force her to eat even a few bites of something before school but most of the time she just wouldn't. Once specific time I remember picking her up and her saying "Mrs. XYZ says that you really should feed me breakfast before school." Once again judged and prosecuted as being a bad mom. Another time, more recently, I remember Amelia having a pair of socks on that had holes in them and both her big toes were poking out. I told her to go find another pair and she refused and insisted that the socks were comfortable. When she got home from school she was wearing NO socks and told me that the teacher had her take them off and stick them in her backpack. I asked her why and she said because her toes were cold and hurting from sticking out the holes in her socks. It is like you are caught in a catch 22...you want kids to make their own choices and figure out things but you want to be thought of as a good mom too. We want them to know if they choose to wear pants that are too big they will fall down, if they don't eat they will be hungry and if they wear holey socks their feet will be cold and so on. These early experiments in trial and error will hopefully help to build a foundation to make better choices when the issues are weightier then how clothes fit and whether your stomach growls.