Rocked to the Core

These kinds of things make me shudder and then weep. They make me yearn for innocence and hope even when there doesn't seem to be any.  My kids are looking to me for guidance and assurance and to tell the truth I am having to reach deep down to find it. But the choice isn't mine. I am their mom so it is my job.

They need to know how many heroic people that were there that day.Teachers. Police and fireman. Clergy. The compassion and love shown. The good. Placing the emphasis on that makes it less easy to be sucked into the evil.  Less scary to feel secure. Allowing them to bypass the adult issues being thrown at them and help them remain the children that they still are.

Good propagates good. Lead by example. Love others. Give time to less fortunate. Simply make someone else happy. Spend time together making each other laugh. Don't let evil overshadow the good in this world.  Help to create adults with less cynicism and more optimism. 

Live with intention. Love with your whole heart. Not because of such horrific tragedies but despite them. 

We are All Just a Bunch of Misfits

This time of year brings about certain imperfections. Especially those that we see within our selves. Its like a scene from a  Christmas movie when a character is standing out in the snowy cold peaking in the window at a picturesque scene. Everyone sitting by the fire drinking cocoa and singing carols and linking arms. No cares in the world. White picket fence happiness. While you are standing there all the while shivering, teeth chattering. Sad and misfit. Nothing close to perfection. 

When they draw the curtains inside that magical heart warming scene the real life starts. The kids squabble and someone knocks over the cocoa. Smoke overflows from the fire and the alarm screeches. Regular everyday problems.  But you don't see them. 

The family of Barbies you see at the school choir concert or shopping together at the mall is really just the same as you. The struggling misfit toy. The one trying so hard to be the square peg that fits into the round hole. No matter the consequence.  

Everyone has flaws. Some are on the outside for everyone to see. Others are inside hiding from the world. Whatever they are they make us real people. Human beings who need to shout and cry and be mad and sad sometimes. We aren't plastic, produced in bulk without emotion or flaws. The grass is never really greener on the other side of the fence. It is actually equally as brown.

Choose Joy

Everyone falls. The trick is being able to get up, brush yourself off and keep going forward. Its not easy to push aside those things that make you stumble. It is even harder to be able to smile while pushing them aside.  Its easy to get caught up in the bad stuff. That stuff that weighs you down and makes you into a miserable human. Someone who can't find it in themselves to see the happiness. The hard part is choosing to see the joy.

Watching a mom today at the store I saw it. Her little girl was carrying a box of cookies and trailing behind her. She was rushing ahead looking at her watch and mumbling about being late. The little girl lost her tight grasp on the box and it bounced to the floor. The mom looked back and for just a moment her face tightened but almost immediately melted into a smile and she began to giggle.  She scooped her daughter up and told her they would have cookie pieces in milk and it would be perfect and fun. She saw joy.

Things unravel every day. Sometimes it is on a small scale like the cookies falling and sometimes it is on a huge world record spool of yarn scale. Life is absurdly hard but letting it bring you down is a choice. Being happy is just a temporary emotion but finding actual joy is different. Joy is a state of being that comes from inner contentment. It is long lasting and can affect everything you do and say...really everything you are. 

Choosing the path that leads to the most joy might not lead to money or recognition. But finding joy brings a sigh of relief to your spirit. It lets you find the laughter within the tears and move a step beyond happiness. Joy isn't a fake smile plastered on your face but it is living real and awake and enjoying small moments in life with gratitude and love. Choose joy today and tomorrow and the day after that. Your happiness depends on it.

Deeper

Lets face it, no one likes much of what they see when they look in a mirror. I am looking now and can tell you I need some frizz ease and under eye concealer and my shirt is holey and stretched and may or may not have been 
worn to sleep in last night.

I don't like it, not even a little. But when I keep looking. Really hard. Looking deeper...past those cosmetic things ...I see some things I do like.

I care. I feel empathy and love for others. I am loyal.  I believe in truth and justice for all people.  Not just some but all. I feel pride that I am modeling these qualities for 3 beings that I brought into this world. 

If I fell into a deep infinite coma or was kidnapped by goblins I know people would remember the important things. No one would remember the state of my hair or the extra roll on my thigh. They also wouldn't care what kind of car I drove or if my house was dusty or whether my kids socks matched every single day.

They would  remember what kind of person I was on the inside. They would remember how I made them feel. They would
remember the deeper me.

When you stand and look in that mirror past all those superficial things do you like what you see?

A Long Long Way

26.2 miles is a long way. This is a little peek into what we might talk about at each mile along the way.



1: How life changing and exciting it is to be running a marathon.

2: Teenagers. Myth vs. reality. Good vs. evil.

3: Fat cats are way cooler than thin cats.

4: How fantastic 80's movies are.

5: Plastic surgery. Yes? No? Maybe so?

6: Cute shoes.

7: How to hide annoying people on Face Book.

8: The validity of underwear.

9: MEN

10: Washed up pop stars, over the hill actors and Lindsay Lohan.

11: Donuts, cinnamon rolls, pumpkin bars, tacos, wine, Whine, and more wine.

12: Ladies of a certain age should NOT "Love Pink".

13: Water.


14: The absurdity of running a marathon for fun.

15: Sweat.

16: Starbucks.

17: First kisses.

18: How proud we are to be running 26.2 miles.

19: Sore feet.

20: Drinking games.


21: Blisters.

22: Did that guys really just pee under that bridge?

23: What kind of dumb ass puts a hill at mile 23 of a marathon?

24: Who the hell talked me into running this thing anyway?

25: Ouch.

26: Left,right,left,right.

.2: I think I am seeing double...is that the finish line? PLEASE let it be the finish line!     

Listening to My Inner Self

It always comes back to faith. So many people struggle with trying to place religious faith in the middle of battles of good and evil. Politics and love and marriage with religion sandwiched  somewhere in between.  To me being faithful isn't about being in a church or reading the book. It lives inside. In our hearts and souls. It isn't driven by trying to change others but about learning to trust in ourselves. It certainly isn't about wanting to sling hate or place sanctions on who people choose to love. How can someone have faith in hate?

Much of life seems disconnected and unexplainable. We search for why things happen in our lives...both good and bad. To be honest there are usually no clear cut answers. No proof. As much as we want them and need them and let's be totally honest sometimes we demand them. Moving forward involves having faith that it will all add up in the end. Faith that being a good person matters. Faith that the path to happy is winding and sometimes stone covered. The hard part is leaving those stones on the ground where they belong. Of course it would be easier to scoop them up and throw them as hard as possible. But faith isn't always easy and our houses are all made of glass.

Restraining Order

 The hardest thing about being a mom is maintaining restraint. You want your kids to be safe and happy and the best at everything. Moving heaven and earth to make these things happen is the first option. But it is a hard knock life out there. Each and every lesson builds character and creates an independent self confident person. We have to restrain ourselves from making things too easy. Kids need to make mistakes and take risks. As much as we want to buy stock in bubble wrap and cushion every fall we just can't. Those tumbles feel bad when they happen and we want to take the pain away. We want them to get an A and have the cute boy ask them out. We want them to win the game and pass their drivers test. We want everyone to know how beautiful they are inside and out and how fast and how smart and how wonderful they are. Moms want to shout those things from the rooftops or to the teachers at school or to the coaches on the field or to the other moms also on the roof. Yet we have to hold ourselves back from telling the story. Our kids will do that in their own time. They don't need mom written subtitles. They will shine at what they love and excel at what they enjoy. It is one hundred times better when the teacher or the coach or the other mom comes up to you and tells you what you already know about your kid...they are extraordinary. Moms are strong that is for sure but not strong enough to move mountains. Our kids have to learn to tunnel through and that takes time and patience.

Stepping back is hard. Watching quietly is excruciating. Raising a child who won't look back someday from the therapist's chair and curse you is priceless.