My Lovey

All three of my girls had a special security lovey when they were small. My oldest sucked her thumb. She did it when she was sad or tired or happy. The first time we locked eyes after she was born she was sucking her thumb. It was so cute to watch her chubby baby fingers in her mouth. My middle girl had a crocheted blanket. It was an old blanket that was my husbands when he was a baby. Somehow it ended up in her nursery and it was the only thing that would quiet her. She would take the blanket and stick it between her lips and suck on it. It was really gross but also rather endearing all at the same time. My youngest had a small square fleece blanket that had different silky ribbons sewn around the entire edge. She carried "taggie bird" every where and would stroke the ribbons along the ridge of her nose. When you are so little in such a huge scary world you need something to grab onto that makes you feel safe and enveloped in warmth and security. Something that helps you realize that there is a constant in your life that you can forever count on to make you feel loved and happy. Actually we could all use something to make us feel that way in this world. Twenty-two years ago today I found that something. It was the day that Chris and I went on our first official date. We were both sixteen and less then experienced with all the scary details of love and life. Yet from that moment on we both grabbed on to the security and support we saw in each other. Year after year through babies and jobs and houses we both manage to find solace in the warmth and security we have been able to offer each other. His presence offers me the familiarity and comfort to be who I am. I never have to look back to see if he is behind me or forward to see if he is ahead. All I have to do is look next too me and he is there, hand out, ready to walk together.

STOP this Run...I Want to Walk!

Sometimes realizations come all at once but often they come through a slow evolution of events and feelings. Things that are set up as goals get in the way of the path it takes to get there. The hardest part for me to embrace is that the trip is sometimes more important then the actual destination. I can't begin to put into words what the last year of running has meant to me. I have accomplished every goal I have flung out there for myself and am proud of that. The thing that makes me the most tingly inside though is what I have gained along with my goals or maybe even in spite of my goals.

I have found solace in the early morning with the quiet darkness and cool breezes. I have gained a knowledge of the fact that I do need time to do something for me. Something that makes me a happier, better mom and wife.

Most importantly, I have formed a sisterhood with woman that I identify with and respect. Our lives are becoming tightly intertwined and it is forming a web of support through rough roads and valleys but also a cheering section for celebrations and milestones. We talk about not only our hopes and dreams but our fears and disappointments. Judgement loses out to the ability to step into each others jogging shoes. If one of us falls flat on our face we all stop and help them up and dust them off and we begin again, together. I like to call it the Sisterhood of it could have been me. We so closely parallel each other that it is easy to see ourselves facing the same challenges.

Somewhere along the line the simple goal of running a half marathon has faded into the woodwork and the important stuff has crossed the finish line. I love running but I love what it has given me more. I can clearly see what I have gained in the journey instead of focusing on how far I still have left to travel. Eventually wrinkles will overtake us, our joints will ache and our hair will turn white but even then I will still find myself feeling the support and respect. Maybe we won't be running but walking and talking and laughing...always laughing.

Beth's Affirmations.

We all go through times when a million things are happening at once. Stuff that causes the stress level to rise and the patience level to plummet. Feelings of fear of the unknown cause the need to shut yourself in a room and cover your ears and scream like a horror movie star or sit in the corner and grasp your knees and rock in the fetal position. When all this stuff creeps in I have found a revolutionary method to counter act it. I have decided to dig deep and remember why I am a good person. What makes me value myself in life. Things that make me happy and that I do to make other people happy.

I am eternally loyal. NOT exactly like a dog since I don't stick my tongue out and wag my tail but pretty darn close. I like being someone my friends and family can count on and trust. I enjoy being the one they can come to for help or celebration. It makes me feel loved.

Seeing my children using the tools I have taught them puts a smile on my face. I hear them say please or thank you or see them show empathy toward another and my heart just soars. I am not that horrible of a parent! They are learning and internalizing the things that are important.

Laughing. Sometimes at myself sometimes at other people. Finding humor in almost anything makes it more bareable. I try, through writing, to inspire humor and laughter.

Acceptance of diversity. I am proud of my ability to find inspiration in differences. I like it when people disagree with me or show me a different angle. It makes me reshape my original position and understand where others are coming on.

The relationship I have with my husband. Trust without speaking it, understanding through actions and high impact support. I see our past and our future and it makes me smile.

In the end I hope remembering these things about myself helps me appreciate my life and who I am. I know there is a another list probably twice as long someplace listing the stuff that makes me not so great but for now I am trying to turn my pessimistic ways around and focus on the positive. I am good enough (for now), I am smart enough (for today) and doggone people like me (at least I pretend they do).

To All Those Flat Stanley's Out There.

We all know first impressions really do mean something. We try hard to pretend they don't matter but we are human and they do. When you meet someone you do notice what they are wearing and how their hair is styled. You do see some things that might strike you on first glance as imperfections. Maybe they have a squeakier then normal voice or their nose doesn't really fit their face. Maybe they have crooked teeth or large feet. Something will stand out to you in that first meeting and when you hear that persons name the next time that is what will pop into your mind. If you start to really get to know the person as a whole those first impressions begin to fade and become one with the rest of who the person is. You start to see past whatever that physical thing was and move on to the entire package. The next time you hear that persons name or see them you think all of them as a whole. All the things that make them who they are get so intertwined that it is impossible to separate all the mild idiosyncrasies. Realizing we all have our unique characteristics makes life interesting and I, for one, enjoy knowing as many different types of people as possible. This goes beyond the physical things and onto the stuff inside too. It bores me to sit and talk to people who constantly agree with every word I say and every view I have. I don't want to be placated or lied too. I want to hear new and different things and be heard by people who believe things I don't agree with. It widens my eyes and mind and makes me think past what I think I believe. What really gets me is when other people refuse to widen their narrowness. They don't want to try and understand what makes the world so interesting. They decide that I am too liberal or don't attend church and that first impression leads them to drop me like a lead weight. They have no use for me and turn back toward their internal group of people who feel the exact same way as them. They live without challenge or growth and judge me by the cover before finding out how interesting the book really is. It makes me sad for them but sad for myself too because I have all the confidence in the world that if they gave me a chance they would realize that I am not what they might think at first. I am more then just a political viewpoint or a religious view. I am a real live human being with the ability to listen and debate and change my mind. Being pious and one sided makes you a flat person without depth and hardly any acceptance. Agreeing to disagree doesn't take away from your conviction but speaks to the goodness of your character and the openness of your mind and heart.

Hey Bunny! Don't Put All Those Eggs in ONE Basket!

It is so obvious that as a child you are learning new things every day. As a baby you learn all the basics like walking and talking. When you get in school you learn academic lessons and lots of social and emotional things too as you pass through each new age. When you graduate from college and get a job you kind of settle into a new sort of mentality. A sort of state where you have learned what you need to know and now on with the rest of your life. The hard thing to realize is that the learning doesn't stop there. As a matter of fact the lessons just get bigger and harder as we get older.

One of my big lessons lately seems to be to keep my options open. There is no end all be all goal for life. You have to be flexible with everything that you do. Curve balls come fast and out of left field and sometimes they hit that basket that has all your eggs in it. I am learning slowly but surely the importance of having lots of different achievable goals spread out in lots of different baskets. What I am coming to realize is that by having a stair step of goals, frustration and disappointment aren't as prevalent. Attaining each small goal brings a feeling of accomplishment and fuels me toward the next reachable success. It is so important to take the time to recognize progress and take pride in accomplishments, no matter the size or shape.

Preaching What You Practice

We all remember that one time we are our shopping with our kids focusing on what to buy for dinner when all of a sudden horror and embarrassment strike. Our child notices a shopper who might be heavier or taller or darker or lighter then most and they say so, LOUD. They might notice someone in a wheel chair or someone with a mohawk and want to know WHY. They see them as different and their innocence allows them to question that instead of immediately turning away. Usually we shush them and whisper a few choice words about God's fabric being made up of all different kids of people or whatever crapola we can think of at the moment then walk away as quickly as possible. We might take the time later to talk about how differences are great and how they make the world go around. If the child doesn't bring it up again we sigh with great relief that we don't have to face discussing things that make us uncomfortable. What we want them to believe is that we embrace diversity and they should too. The real problem is that we all talk the talk (because we know we should) but forget to walk the walk. We want sameness. We crave it actually. We end up surrounding ourselves with people just like us. We take the easy route. Oh so easy but also bland. The idea of things or people different then us is scary. Of course scary doesn't have to equal bad. Scary can be inspiring and educational. Knowing new and different kinds of people can be the way to become a better person yourself. More importantly immersing yourself in diversity makes it less scary and more approachable for your child. It not only opens lots of doors in life but windows too.

Fab Five Friday

We all know things are not the most important thing in life. Lets face it though there are some tangible things out there that you just fall in love with....some things that make you happy to get up in the morning. Things that make life a little easier. I am going to list the fabulous five things that have helped me through this spring break-while-my-husband-was-traveling week.

1) Wendy's new mid-sized pecan apple salad. It is just the right mix of lettuce, apples, candied pecans and cheese. Just the right mix of yum. It is so helpful when my husband is out of town and the kids want a kids meal. I don't have to give in to fries and a burger yet I still feel like I am getting a treat!

2) My new Saucony running shoes. So cushiony and soft that I feel like I am running on air. They are bright and shiny new and ready to hit the pavement for a few hundred miles. They make it easier to get up in the early morning dark and remind me that I have a few big runs coming soon.

3) Cadbury mini eggs. The pretty pastel colors remind me of spring even though we have a few inches of new snow on the ground. A handful here and there give my mind a little boost along with my taste buds. They remind me Easter is around the corner. They are my favorite reason for March to arrive!

4) Exact eyelights Covergirl mascara. Just a little swipe of this stuff makes me feel more like a model and less like a soccer mom. It has a hint of color and really lengthens my lashes. Easy and the best part is it is under 10 bucks.

5) My Kohl's 30% off coupon. Now we all know Kohl's likes to have sales. They always have sales and I refuse to purchase anything from there unless I have a coupon of some kind. Imagine my surprise when i actually got the coveted 30% your entire purchase in the mail! The girls and I took a little field trip there and had a fun time browsing and shopping PLUS we used it as a math lesson. Figuring out 30% off on every item we bought :) I also LOVE sharing the coupon with as many friends and family as I can so they can get a bargain too!